its been nearly 3 weeks, since my new husband has passed away... it has been nearly 1 month and 3 weeks since we married... what the hell is this? i wake up some days ok.. today i went for a swim was motivated.. then tortured myself with his voice messages, photos and videos of us overseas.. he died just after his 25th birthday... he'l be 25 forever and i'll get old without him... how is that fair? i thought we were already on this cancer rollercoaster and now i want off.. i thought i was done and now im on a new one... the actual grief one and it sucks! its 1.30am and im wide awake... i just keep going over in my head everything about him, the way he proposed, the way he looked at me at the alter, the way he muttered stuff as he was dying, his face as he died... all in one year! its to crazy and im tired of it i just wish i could be normal and boring just for once....
