Its been 11 days since I lost my husband of 35 years to pancreatic cancer that spread to the bones, we've been together for 42 years, we were high school sweethearts. I don't know how to go on without him, He fought so hard to stay alive, I know he did it for me, he was worried that I wouldn't continue to live, I promised him I would take care of myself and I would be okay. I lied, I did that so he could pass and the suffering he endured would stop. I love him so much. He loved life and people loved him. I can't imagine living without him. I envy people who are divorced and hate their former partner. I can't sleep or eat. People tell me it will get easier, I think they are lying like I did. I want to believe that I will see him again, touch him, feel his arms around me, hold hands. That's all I have to hold on to.
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