My Dad lost his battle with cancer last Sunday. And all i want is for people to leave me alone. I feel that i haven't had enough time to let this all sink in , and when it does i am afraid that it will break me. In my family we have a running joke about being emotionally constipated (we all suffer from it ), it's hard for us to talk to one another and tell each other what's going on in our head or how we feel, we kinda walk around saying "it's alright". In my Family when bad things happen , they happen , you can't help them so no point sooking about it. Get up dust off and keep moving. The issue is now that Dad has passed away ,it is like the whole family has taken a bucket load of laxatives. I 'm not saying this is a bad thing , but for my 25 yrs i have never seen my Nanna cry or heard my Aunty swear , and in this week i've seen/heard both. And if that isn't enough to cope with , the phone starts ringing at 7 am and doesn't stop until 10 pm and i find myself repeating the same thing over and over - i sound like an ungrateful sod , i do appreciate the love and support but i just need minute. And then you get the people who are angry because they didn't get to see Dad during the later stages of his battle or the people who haven't seen Dad in 10 or more yrs telling us that Dad would have liked it this way or that. I tell you what Dad would have HATED ever part of this shittiness. He would have sooked about the price of the service, about the phone ringing all the time , about my music being really loud all the time , about the amount my brother is drinking , most of all about how upset everyone is. So don't tell me that my Dad wouldn't have wanted people to wear black to his service , or he'd want this song or that one. Just say this is what i want and you may get it. I want to run away from it all - this is too much too soon and too bloody hard. Ok enough of my rant. Over and out Amie
6 Comments
Contributor
Hi Amie, Sorry for your loss,these are indeed very difficult times . If you have a special place, go there and be with yourself if only for a while, away from everything and cry,scream or just sit. Let your mind go blank, time out, you deserve it. We cannot make your pain go away, but vent all you want here and know someone is listening. xoxoxox Sylvie
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Super Contributor
Amie I am also sorry for you loss. If i have learnt one thing from having cancer, is that it is "ok" to do what you need to do. Just take time out for you and deal in your own way. The beach is my place of solititude, i just walk along and listen to the waves crashing and zone out. Julie xo
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Contributor
Amie, I am sorry for your loss. Do whatever works for you. Thinking of you and hoping you get 'a moment' to yourself. Take care, Jill
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Regular Contributor
As with the others Amie. Vent away but try to find a place of quiet for yourself for a while. Maybe even put the phone on the answering machine. Those poeple who really care will understand. Take care. Words always seem so ineffective. Samex
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Contributor
Hi Amie i am so sorry for your loss. venture out for a walk and leave all the noise behind you for an hour or two and you will notice a difference when you get back i bet. chin up cheers linda
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Contributor
Hi Amie. I also am so sorry for your lossand I feel for you so much as I don't think my dad has too much longer. But you are so so much younger than me and at your age you shouldn't have to go through all this grief!! No you are not an "ungreatful sod" you are just a loving daughter who is really missing her dad and needs time alone and I know I will feel the same. It is people like you and others on this site who keep me going. Please look after yourself and remember all those precious times you had with your dad xoxo Chris
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