My Dad lost his battle with cancer last Sunday. And all i want is for people to leave me alone. I feel that i haven't had enough time to let this all sink in , and when it does i am afraid that it will break me.
In my family we have a running joke about being emotionally constipated (we all suffer from it ), it's hard for us to talk to one another and tell each other what's going on in our head or how we feel, we kinda walk around saying "it's alright". In my Family when bad things happen , they happen , you can't help them so no point sooking about it. Get up dust off and keep moving. The issue is now that Dad has passed away ,it is like the whole family has taken a bucket load of laxatives. I 'm not saying this is a bad thing , but for my 25 yrs i have never seen my Nanna cry or heard my Aunty swear , and in this week i've seen/heard both.
And if that isn't enough to cope with , the phone starts ringing at 7 am and doesn't stop until 10 pm and i find myself repeating the same thing over and over - i sound like an ungrateful sod , i do appreciate the love and support but i just need minute. And then you get the people who are angry because they didn't get to see Dad during the later stages of his battle or the people who haven't seen Dad in 10 or more yrs telling us that Dad would have liked it this way or that. I tell you what Dad would have HATED ever part of this shittiness. He would have sooked about the price of the service, about the phone ringing all the time , about my music being really loud all the time , about the amount my brother is drinking , most of all about how upset everyone is. So don't tell me that my Dad wouldn't have wanted people to wear black to his service , or he'd want this song or that one. Just say this is what i want and you may get it.
I want to run away from it all - this is too much too soon and too bloody hard.
Ok enough of my rant.
Over and out Amie
