Had my third chemo treatment last week and, by Sunday was feeling quite unwell and "down". Actually burst into tears when I couldn't eat the meal I'd prepared- even though I was hungry.
For the first time since diagnosis, my partner and I then sat down and had a real heart to heart when I finally voiced all my emotions and thoughts and the anger about both getting cancer and the lack of emotional support from the medics came out. I finally told him how I was scared that "it would get me eventually" and that it was only a matter of time. I'd never had the courage to say that before, for fear of upsetting him. It was an amazing, cathartic experience. I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. I wish I'd done it sooner but I was so aware of staying strong for everyone else that I would lie awake at nights thinking about the "what ifs" then say nothing about it to anyone.
The major thing for me is how well I've felt since. I decided I had to stop wallowing and move on and it seems this new (genuine) positive attitude has made a difference. I am now not miserably waiting for the next bout of sickness like I would normally do and just feeling so much better.
I know this may be short-lived as chemo resumes next week but I would urge anyone to voice their fears and thoughts as it really has made such a difference to me.
