My boy friend has upset me so much today I am typing this with tears running down my face. He is at the hospital today and I got all ready to go with him so I can hear what the doctors have to say but he told me he didn't want me to go with him. I was stunned, all I could do was go into my room and close the door. He left without me. I feel he has shut me out completely. I get that he doesn't want to know results of his ct scans ect. but he has to know I want to know. He said he doesn't want to know results because it doesn't change anything. I disagree with that, it changes everything. If they show new tumors it makes a difference, if it shows they have shrunk away to nothing it changes everything. Is it just me that thinks this way? I just don't understand why he wouldn't want to know. He worries about what is going on with his cancer I know he does, anyone who looks at him knows. Knowledge eases the mind I would think. I feel like he has changed so much I hardly know him any more. He doesn't tell me anything about how he feels about having cancer. He just won't talk about it. How can you talk to someone who won't talk back to you. He has said to me a few times now that I have to make some decisions about what I want to do. Maybe he is right about that. I asked him what he means by that and all he says is I shouldn't have to put up with his shit. Is he giving me an out? I don't know and he won't say. I miss our relationship, it has changed so much.
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