every day seems to get harder and harder, I'm finding it tougher to cope with what has happened.
about 6 years ago now my dad was diagnosed with Bowel Cancer, I was 10 and at that time it didn't really understand what cancer was, how it happens etc. My dad never sat me down and told me how he realized something was wrong , tests he had to confirm it, what was going to happen or what bowel cancer really meant? so I did a lot of research on it myself whilst going through school for projects and things. I think it was about 1-2 years later that he was then diagnosed with secondary liver cancer, it has been a couple of years since he has started remission for the second time, even though the cancer has gone for now, I have lost my dad forever!
it's hard to come to terms with the fact that my dad will never be the same amazing and inspiring dad he was before he as diagnosed with this terrible disease, often i sit down and wonder why it happened to him, why did he deserve this? why couldn't I have had it instead of him? i find it hard to talk to people about this because not everyone understands what it's like living with someone who has had cancer, my whole family have been effected by this disease even though we didn't physically have cancer we all have the emotional effects that come after it. everybody believes that the cancer has bought our family closer (I have a family of 6, 2 older sisters and 1 older brother) but it has separated us so much, none of us are the same people we used to be especially my mum and dad.
my dad doesn't talk to anyone anymore, I find it hard because I don't know what to talk to him about, his moods are bad, I don't know how he will react one minute he could be happy and then the next he will crack it and take all his anger out on us. I've often thought about asking him to go and see someone and talk to them if he doesn't want to talk to us but I know that it won't go down welL, we all think he has become depressed after cancer and it's very hard to deal with sometimes.
I'm just looking for someone to talk to and get some advice from, I'm struggling at the moment and just want my opinions to be heard for once 😞
