well the results came back today and to be polite all i can say is oh shit. to sum it up metastatic adenocarinoma of the pancreas which has spread to the liver. prognosis 6 - 12 months it all seemed rather surreal having someone tell you that you probably wont see christmas of 2012 and that there really is not much of a treatment available for you. at best, i was told, they could do something to help prolong what is ultimately inevitable. it doesn't really seem fair to me at the moment and i know that it doesn't seem fair to my wife. if it hadn't been for something that was diagnosed as a stomach ulcer and then a slight lump noticed a few weeks later, i wouldn't know that i only have a slim (at best) chance of survival. i still feel fit and healthy and have no symptoms. according to the oncologist this is normal with pancreatic cancer and its often not until its too late that a diagnosis is made. kind of sucks really. so, what to do now. i am convincing myself that while there is a slim chance, there is still a chance. while there is a chance there is always hope. life must go on. i still need to do my job (i am a music teacher in a secondary school). i still need to try to corrupt the minds of the young and the innocent by telling them bad jokes and providing them with information that will challenge their way of thinking. one step at a time is the best way. tomorrow is always a new day and with each new days there is always a new hope. at the very least, i now will cherish every day that i have, because every day is important. i think the biggest thing is that i am now worrying about everyone else in my life. my wife, my parents, my brothers and sisters, my work colleagues,the kids i teach, my small group of friends. i don't really want them to suffer as they hear the news and then see me as i go through the treatment. it doesn't really seem fair on them. it's not their fault. the treatment. i sign up for a trial treatment tomorrow.ABI007 plus Gemcitabine. it's a random trial so their is no guarantee that i will get both drugs to start with. apparently as the treatment progresses i will. so what else to say? life sucks? it isn't fair? why me? i'm sure that we have all asked ourselves those same questions. ultimately i think that there isn't anything that can be said other than a quote from lewis carrol. "i cant explain myself...because i am not myself" take care and remember that while there is a chance there is still hope. tim
6 Comments
Not applicable
Sorry to hear such sad news, you're right when you say take each day as it comes, start each day with hope. You'll find your loved ones & friends will support you no matter how hard it is. This Xmas we are not buying gifts but donating the money to Cancer research in the hope that this horrible disease will one day be eradicated. My thougthts & prayers are with you. BJS
0 Kudos
Occasional Contributor
Well hopefully that was the worst night and the rest of them I manage to sleep. Last night, very little sleep was had by myself or my wife. I have to say I am concerned for her and worried about her with what she is now having to go through. It can't be easy. For me, things finally sunk and the grim reality of things finally sunk in. At some stage this morning (I think it was a round 2am) I finally broke down and cried and went through the "isn't fair/why me" stage. All I can do now is be practical and, as best as possible, go about life in the same way that I did on Monday before the news was given to me. Keep busy, corrupt the kids, be a little silly at times. Try to keep a sense of normalcy, something that can never be again. I think the hardest thing to cope with is how to live life when you know that each day may be your last.
0 Kudos
Contributor
Dear jsBach. Words are useless, but I am so sorry to hear your news. Life...what is it all about... even though I dont know you, my heart goes out to you and your family. Mignon
0 Kudos
Not applicable
Good luck that's all I've got to say.
0 Kudos
Contributor
Wow!!!! Are you one amazing person!! Do you write music as well? Can you write some now - with or without words? Hope is wonderful - hang on to it with everything you've got.
0 Kudos
Super Contributor
Thoughts and prayers with you hang in there kj
0 Kudos
Post new blog
Talk to a health professional
Cancer Council support and information 13 11 20Mon - Fri 9am - 5pm
Cancer Information and Support

Online resources and support

Access information about support services, online resources and a range of other materials.

Caring for someone with cancer?

Find out what resources and support services are available to assist you.