Well its now day two of knowing that I have this horrible ticking time bomb. Thought I would for the first few days just write a few things as the dust settles and the world starts to clear up again.
I have to say that it is really difficult for me at the moment. To be honest I think I am more concerned for my wife and how she is taking the news than I am for me. Hmm.,.. maybe not, but she is certainly first and foremost in my thoughts. I still have the me time to think things through and work out what to do. My decision, be practical. Get things in order (bills, loans,etc) something that needs to be done anyway, do my job, have fun working with the kids and tear my hair out because they just don't get it.
We spent this morning on Western Port Bay out and about on the kayaks which we purchased no long ago. It was a lovely day and gave both the time to think by ourselves and then catch up and talk things through. Mind you, I was a bit annoyed - I really wanted to do a spot of fishing while we were out. OH well, there will be plenty of time to that on another day.
This afternoon, it was back to the specialist. I have to say Frankston Private is certainly well equipped. The good news is that I have been put forward to be part of a trial that they are conducting using two different drugs. It's not definite, I still have to be accepted in to it, but I was told that I am a prime candidate for acceptance. I will know more next week and if in, start the chemo on Thursday 15th.
It was a different specialist this time (mine doesn't work on wednesdays at Frankston). Mind you it was good to talk to someone else. This one was very practical and direct. She looked through my results and made a few "hmm " noises and then said "you need to start now to get best possible result. Don't wait" Asking her about this, it turned out that while things aren't good at the moment, they aren't as bad as they could be. She also let us know about a patient during the trail who is a worse state than I am and, after a couple of sessions of not much happening, showed dramatic signs of improvement. Apparently this person is off travel around the globe at the moment.
After the specialist and signing the paper work, it was then to talk to the trial coordinator. More tests! just what I wanted. This time though they are being used to set the base line for the trial - so its for a good reason this time. We also heard another couple of positive stories of people on the trial.
While neither myself or my wife and letting ourselves get any false impressions, both of us are well aware of the situation, it was good to hear a good story and not just all the gloom and doom that you read on the web or other sources.
Well, enough of my ramblings. Take care and thank you to everyone for their posts. It certainly does help knowing that there are people out there who understand what you are going through and pass on their best wishes.
btw my new catch cry (which I developed on Tuesday 6th at 1.40pm)
while there is even the slightest chance, there is a chance. While there is a chance, there is always hope.
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.