On Thursday i will get my results for my CT scan....all i can think is that something is there back in my body...but why am i worrying when i don't even know that that will be the case, i guess it's just so normal to think the worst immediately. If things are all good....all my tests will be cut back to once a month, which is great, but I'm feeling rejected by the world....life seemed easier in hospital and getting treatment...it might sound strange but i just can't seem to get my life back on track after cancer....
6 Comments
Super Contributor
Hi Lydia I remember when i first got diagnosed with cancer 21 years ago. It was tough when my life line of hospitals/doctors and nurses were being let go. IT was my security and had been my world for such a period of time it was scary not having all those people and resources around me. As time went on this eased and i was able to get back into life as it was ac. Thinking of you as you wait for results, its always a horrid time and sending you some hugs. Julie
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Occasional Contributor
Lydiia, It's not strange at all what your feeling. I myself am feeling exactly the same. At least with treatment you knew what you had to do. There really wasn't room for anything else. Now that you've finished treatment, what now? It's not just a physical experience, as a lot of people think, but hugely emotional as well. There's the expectation that because treatments over, your fine. Plus the worrying that your tests aren't going to come back clear doesn't help either. I hope the test results come back with the all clear.... I have my fingers crossed 🙂 xoxox
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Regular Contributor
Hi Lydia, The emotional roller coaster is possibly harder than the physical one. Until I noticed other people's thoughts on this site I thought that I was the only crazy person who in some bizarre way wanted to hang on to treatment (even though of course I couldn't wait for it to finish). It seems that it is quite common. I had a clonoscopy last week with clear results and I assure you that I was terrified leading up to it. It never left my mind. I am hopefully heading away overseas on Tuesday (standby ticket so you never know if you are getting on te plane)and it has really helped to think of other things. I hope that I can send you a hug to help you through the constant nagging worry. Samex
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New Member
wow! I'm glad I'm not the only 1 that feels this....it's so right, with treatment you knew what you had to do. Where you had to be and who your nurse was for the day, it seems like a crazy thought but clearly it isn't. Thank-you all for your support it means a lot. Finding this site has made me realise I'm not alone. Thanks again. I will keep you all posted on how my results go.
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Not applicable
Hi Lydia, By joining this site, I too have come to realise that we have similiar experiences after treatment finishes, I felt I was cast adrift, what do I do now? I felt as thou I had lost part of myself, if that makes sense to you and I didn't know what to do to find my sense of humour again. As much as we dislike treatment, it also gives us security and enables us think you we are playing an active part against ridding our bodies of cancer. What you feel is, I have come to believe, perfectly normal after cancer, so don't feel alone. I wish only good news for you and that your scans are all clear. Take care and if possible, try not to worry tooo much. Reindeer xx
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Contributor
I think we all have that feeling of displacement after our cancer experience. While we are having treatemnt and in hospital we are in survival mode and we are being nurtured. Then when treatement is over everyone expects our lives go back to normal. I read somewhere on this site someone used the analogy of a soldier returning form war and the struggle to reassimilate after all they have seen and done. We are in a way similiar to this, changed forever...our innocence lost. I will say with time it gets easier and you will create a new normal, I now love the new me better than the old me :) Best of luck with the wait XX Amanda
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