Hi hmmm not quite sure how to start , brain not functioning on all cylinders so much crap going on in there.
I just left my Ma 2 days ago she is still in hospital just diagnosed with cancer throughout her body she had a biopsy yesterday so will ahve final diagnoses nest week , But drs think primary is lun and she will go into pallitive care she is 91, But mums should die right. I had tocome home early as My hubby Neale has his oncolgist appt today , We where told last week that he has spinal compression from a small tumour he also has multiple metastaic cancer. He is some back pain but no other symptoms , We were told that he was not to do any lifting. Neale is a bury your head in the sand kinda person . Thinks he is ok So i go out and he has lifted a bag of concrete" Im right he says". I just lost it I asked him if he wanted to be in a wheel chair OMG i wanted to shake him. Then I felt so bad.
At the moment I am trying to come to terms with my Ma's diagnosis , and today we will find out about hubbies treatment and prognosis I feel sick in the tummy just writing that word. His oncologist has already prebooked him to see the radiation oncologist on monday , things are not looking to good.
I feel void of any emotion numb tired cant sleep ,not sure if I can hold it all together today ,am worried the flood gates will open . I feel bad as with the talk about mum I forgot about Neale and his feelings. does that make me a bad person . I feel that it does, I am scared for Mum I am scared for Neale and I am scared for me. The past week had been crap and next week is going to be worse.crap crap crap. and double crap . Cancer sucks big time.
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.