Advice to help my Dad

[celesteri]

My Dad has just been told he has lung cancer and a tumour in the brain.They have told him he has 6-8 months.We are all very shocked by this news and want to do whatever we can to help but my Dad seems to have just given up.He sits or lays around all day,he's not showering etc etc.I understand he is going through a process trying to come to terms with everything that has happened but I want to help him snap out of the rut he is slowly sinking in....any suggestions would be of great help!

[leanne61]

Hello, Your message struck a chord with me as I was my father's carer when he was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer aboout 4 years ago. My father was usually a very cheery person who looked on the bright side of things, he understandably was very upset and angry when he was given his diagnosis. I remember going to see him and asking him how he was , he replied angrily "How do you think I am?" (Totally out of character for him to snap at me). He was sitting in his arm chair and I went over and sat on the arm of the chair and put my arm around him and said " I can't help you if you don't tell me what you're thinking, I promise I will be there for you at every appointment and I'll take care of you but you have to talk about it and tell me what you need." After that Dad decided he would talk to everyone he met about what was going on and it truly seemed to help him. He made friends whilst having Chemo and when he was in hospital, sharing others stories seemed to help too. I ended up leaving my job to become his fulltime carer and it was the best thing I could have done because it gave him peace of mind that he didn't have to worry about the day to day things and he was never alone as he moved in with us. I was with him when he passed away, he was very peaceful and I'm sure he felt very loved and supported when he went. My advice is to love your Dad as much as you can whilst you have him and you won't regret it, he might take time to come around but don't give up on him. Best wishes to you and your family, I'm happy to help you if I can. Leanne

[celesteri]

Thankyou Leanne.Your kind words and story helped me a lot today. My Dad finds it hard to express his emotions and we have told him that we will look after him...whatever he needs but god bless him he doesn't want to be a burden to me or my other siblings.We have told him he never has nor ever will be a burden to us and we will be there for him.I think he just needs a bit of time and I definately will have another talk with him about being there for him.I feel once he can talk about whats happening he will start to feel better and possibly begin to enjoy what time he has left.My Dad was only diagnosed 2 weeks ago now so everything is still fresh and we are currently getting ready for radiation therapy next week.It gives me comfort to know I can come onto this site and talk to others who have experience with this....thankyou again.

[leanne61]

Hello, I'm glad that you feel a little better after our messages to each other. I am currently going through my own treatment for Breast Cancer and I have just finished my fourth week of Radiation Therapy, 2 1/2 weeks to go. I'm very lucky because my prognosis is very good, I found the tumour very early. The fact that I had been on my Dad's journey with him has helped me enormously. I have seen first hand the amazing medical professionals we have, and I was welcomed back to the same Radiation clinic that my Dad attended like I was an old friend returning, they have been wonderful to me. I have also seen the other side of the coin now as my own children had to deal with their Mum being diagnosed with Breast Cancer, it was very traumatic for them, they have been there for me too and I'm very proud of them, they learnt from having Dad living with us as well. Tell your Dad that Radiation Therapy isn't too bad, the worst part for me is I'm looking a bit sunburnt and some days a bit tired. Having to go everyday for 6 & 1/2 weeks seems huge but the time has passed quite quickly. Actually having to get up, get dressed and be somewhere everyday might be good for him, you see the same people most days and make new friends. I think you are an amazing daughter to care so much for your Dad and I'm positive that you will be his shining light. My love to you and your Dad, Leanne

[celesteri]

Dear Leanne...I hope you are well and keeping strong through your own battle.I admire your strength and determination not only to help and support people like myself but to endure not only your father's illness but now your own aswell. I sometimes wander why such good,honest genuine people must endure all this pain and loss. I wanted to thankyou again so much for your kinds words....I apologise for not responding but my Dad was unable to fight and we lost him on March 20th. He had complications with his heart and once that had gotten under control his breathing became the problem.Unfortunately the cancer had spread so quickly there was nothing the doctors could do for him.Dad never got the chance to have radiation or chemo.We lost him one month and 5 days after being told he had lung cancer.I only wish we had more time with him... He was taken to Palliative care close to his home where his family and friends could be with him. It was a lovely place where my Dad had views of lush green hills,trees and blue sky's from his bed. I was with him to the very end and even though I am sad to let him go I know he is now with my Mum and they are looking down on us with smiles on their faces and love in their hearts. Thankyou for being such a wonderful person...your family must be so proud of you. I know you will continue to be the shining star you are.... Thankyou again Leanne