Carer survivorship

Not applicable

Carer survivorship

My husband lost his battle with cancer three weeks ago and it is so hard trying to come to terms with the fact that he is not going to be here any more. The shock is only now starting to set in. I guess I had been strong for him for so long and the inevitable was always in the back of our minds but when it actually happened it is devastating. I am not quite sure how I will manage things now I am just taking it one day at a time at  present. Jill
Occasional Contributor

Carer survivorship

Hi Jill, I lost my wife to cancer in June 2003. You are still probably riding a roller coaster of emotions and there's no set time for this to ease. It will stay with you forever but the ride does smooth out with time. When your ready, I found trying something total new, that you or your partner had never done before. This can be a great way to move things forward. You will slowly get back to the things that you've enjoyed in the past but they will bring back a lot of memories both good and bad which is ok but can be very hard to handle early on. Goodluck and take your time, I'm sure your partner would want to see you happy again. Gaffo.  
Not applicable

Carer survivorship

Hi Jill. It sounds like you have been going through a pretty tough time. When your loved one has cancer there are so many practical issues to keep you busy and not thinking about the future. When he dies, there are lots more other practical issues to deal with (bank accounts, mail, sorting out clothes, etc). When that winds down, suddenly you look around and wonder what to do. I can only imagine that this might feel scary and empty. I don't want to say anything trite that might diminish what you are going through. Pat responses like "get a hobby", "go for walks", "go to the movies", "treat yourself" are not really helpful. I am sure you have told these things to yourself plenty of time. I guess the only thing I can really suggest is to take your time. You need to adjust to a new phase in your life. You will have new challenges and new priorites. No one knows what these are yet. Give yourself time to let them unfurl at their own pace. try to slow down your life so you can think about what you are doing that you really enjoy and what you don't. This way you can try to focus on the directions that are taking you on a positive path. No one expects you to instantly finish with your grieving. I am sure it will ebb and flow, mixed with other natural feelings of love, loss, relief and guilt. Don't feel compelled to be strong all the time, just when it feels right. Give yourself space and time.
Cancer Council NSW

Carer survivorship

I wonder how many people who have been a carer acknowledge and understand "carer survivorship" after watching the person they were caring for pass away.
Occasional Contributor

Re: Carer survivorship

Dear comment    You put it so beautifully!👏⚘  When you say  "I don't want to say anything 'trite' that might deminish what your going through".

I have never read a post that understand so well how cliches and superficial wellmeaning suggestions can be so hurtful. And your suggestion is brilliant... live your true feelings, don't expect to be well any time soon, but enjoy each little moment that you do feel better.

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