I now carefully use “me time” to control my anger and frustration.
Some days are better than others. Yesterday we ended up in casualty as my Wife could not stop throwing up after chemo and was becoming dehydrated. Things are fine now, well fine as they should be moving toward the wellness state. Some days I just want to put everything down and have a rest and I DO FEEL ANGRY.
My outlet is playing music, I play the electric bass and cello. I find playing music very relaxing and is good selfish ME TIME. I am going to start playing gigs again and putting back into myself so I can keep putting out. It sounds simple but I didn’t realise how drained I was.
Do other cancer support people have strategies that could also help?
Have been thinking about this post a bit. I sometimes use my anger to "dislike" my cancer. To me that kind of makes a negative emotion turn into a postive. At other times its just ok to be angry, because that is just how i am feeling. I guess in essence i kind of roll with whatever feels right at the time.
It is great that you can use your music for "you time" and that it helps you deal with things.
Very wise move….It’s a great choice you made.. enjoying your music, it gives you an outlet and will refresh your spirit. Don’t think of it as selfish, you need the time away.
If you are refreshed then you are better equipped to help your wife and yourself through all of this.
I got angry with the intrusion of cancer into my life, not at people just at that “damn cancer”. I just didn’t have time for cancer, there’s so much to do in life.. but like it or not, it becomes part of our lives.
The support I valued most from my husband, was him listening to my fears and concerns, he didn’t judge…he sometimes offered advice… other times he didn’t… he just listened and held me close. When I spoke about my fears, it cleared my head and then I was able to work towards a solution appropriate for dealing with that particular fear.
I would often ask him “how are you feeling” . I think he quite often gave me the edited version :)
My advice to you, is to follow your wife’s lead, she may want to cry…or talk.. or just be alone for a time… you may want to be alone for a time also. Do whatever feels right for the both of you.
Joining this website is a great move for you too, so much advice to be gained from both sides of the equation…. Carers and “us who have had cancer”.
I wish I had known about this website earlier… sure would have made the journey a “touch easier”, I hope you benefit from this site.
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.