Father with gastric cancer

[Biancalj1]

Hi everyone my father was diagnosed with gastric cancer in december last year. He was given 12 months to live treatment is chemo as cancer has spread to far for any other treatments. I am one of three of his children and i am closest to him. The past few weeks he has gotten alot worse his appearance weight loss ect. He has became extremely angry and has said horrible things to me and my 18yr old son. I realise this is effects from the cancer and a kind of grieving process for him i guess. He has pushed me away and is angry and uspet about some of my current life decisions. He has lived with me simce January this yr and i have done my best to help him. He is extremely proud and needs someone to care for him and i am the only one in a position to do so. He wont talk to me and has told me he wants nothing to do with me anymore. This breaks me heart and i continue to tell him im here for him. I believe he is in denial about how bad things are and that he needs help but wont take it and is still trying to do everything himself despite losing feeling in his fingers and half of his legs. This is heartbreaking and any advice or stories of others experiences would be extremely helpful.😪

[iloveyoudearly7]

Hi Biancalj1,

The situation with your father sounds understandably delicate and must be somewhat frustrating at times as well. You are without a doubt a strong and kind-hearten individual, your father must be a good man indeed, to have raised someone so devoted in nature.

Judging by the expression that I received from the paragraphing, your father seems to be expressing his feelings of frustration and vulnerability (helplessness) about the situation, towards you and your son. This can be common for careers to occasionally experience and the feelings might be even intensified if the affected individual is unable or unwilling to communicate their sentiment and thoughts to another. They can start to feel lonely despite being surrounded by supportive and loving family/friends members. (Constant negative focusing and reflecting is often the driver behind this as well).

 If your father is selecting certain keypoints in your life, especially at this given time then perhaps he is attempting to cause or inflict some form of conflict and negative emotions. The purpose to which, is to “push” any loved ones away and to create a barrier of indifference. This barrier is there to protect you, so you will hurt less when he....one day passes away. Some people will even start conflict to deflect the general topic or to “change the subject to something” so to speak.  But everyone is different and this is just a suggested theory.

I know that you may not need these particular sites but will supply just in case, for others in the future:

https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/dealing-with-angry-people.htm - General advice and tips to help ensure certain situations do not escalate.

 https://cancerqld.org.au/get-support/cancer-emotional-support/cancer-counselling-service/ - Cancer Council emotional help options

I know from experience that being an Career can be difficult and disheartening at times but please remember to still follow your bliss in life (such as hobbies and etc) and communicate with others, so your strength doesn’t wane. Seek additional help from others if possible as well and continue being the wonderful supportive person that you are.

[Biancalj1]

Everything you have said makes sense thankyou for replying and for the links much appreciated x

[sch]

Hi Biancalj1,

My father had bowel cancer. Towards the end, he said some pretty nasty things to us. Things better left unrepeated.

When he passed away I was away at the time, but I swear I felt him pass through my soul and say good bye. An hour later my Mum called to tell me.

Afterwards when I reflected upon some of the things he had said, I wondered if he knew the end was near and was pushing people away, in the hopes of trying to hurt people less when he passed away.

-s