Feeling Neglected

[belladonna67]

Hello to everyone, Four weeks ago my marriage changed in a heartbeat. It was 2am Valentine's morning when I was woken up to find my husband on the floor next to our bed having a seizure (a vision that doesn't leave me ).Prior to this my husband was healthy and fit, so why was this happening. I immediately called an ambulance, when I arrived at emergency I was told to wait as they needed to stabilize my husband as he wouldn't stop fitting. They sent him for an emergency CT scan while I anxiously had to sit in the emergency waiting room. What felt like hours before I could see him. Finally I was allowed in to find my husband strapped to the bed and sedated. I needed answers as my husband laid there lifeless. Then my worse nightmare started, that moment you know something bad is coming. They took me out of the room and gave me the findings. Your husband has a very large tumor. I'm sure you can guess my reaction. Then I'm told he will be taken from Gosford emergency to RNS via helicopter after they put him in an induced coma. My world just collapsed. The next 10 days was and still is an emotional rollercoaster. My husband had a benign tumor removed from his frontal lobe which effects your personality. I'm on extended annual leave to assist my husband's recovery at home. The reason I have come here is I'm feeling very neglected and unloved as my husband now keeps to himself and says I don't understand cause I have not gone through what he has. I agree I haven't but emotionally this is just as scary for me. I don't have surgery scars mine are hidden. It is just as difficult for us carers who get overwhelmed with new daily challenges. I know I'm not alone, I would love to hear how other spouses deal with their partners. Thanks for reading my blog Donna

[GeeGee]

I am so sorry to read you post. I am caring for my partner who has stage 4 melanoma and I know what it like to try and deal with the changes they go through with tumors on the brain. I am so happy your husbands was benign. My partner also had a seizure, luckily while in the emergency department. All I can say to you is to hang in there, my partner was like that, saying I can't understand what he is going threw but now things have settled down a bit he realises it's just as hard for me as it is for him. Hopefully your husband will also realise soon. I am here if you need to chat. My thought are with you, Geraldine. ( G ) for short.

[little_stitcher]

Hi Donna, I was a 'carer' (I use the punctuation marks because he remained fairly well during his treatment, and is now in remission) for my husband in 2011, after he was diagnosed with stage 4 non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. I also remember feeling alone and sometimes ignored. I think most people (friends and family, and support structures too, sometimes) forget that the partner is also impacted just as much by the diagnoses and treatment. I think the hardest thing is that the person you ususally turn to for support (and the only other adult in the house, usually) is the one who is sick, and is not in a position to be as supportive as before. We can support each other on this forum, though- you're not alone. sending love and hugs, Emily

[janey]

Hello Donna, This section for carers is really good and I have realised that there are so many carers that share similar experiences as I have. It can be lonely having a partner dealing with such a life-changing/threatening condition. I have felt helpless seeing my husband struggle with his cancer and keep asking him what I can do to help him. Most of the time his response is to let him rest. I have tried to keep my life as 'normal', as possible by going for walks and to the gym has been helpful. I have also been honest with my husband and how I have struggled emotionally too. I had a lady ask me if I wanted a cup of tea in the hospital today and burst into tears! I think drawing on friends that can relate has been of great comfort and this site has wonderful people who really care on it. Janey x