Feeling pressured

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Feeling pressured

My Gran has terminal brain cancer. She was diagnosed just over a year ago now and has managed to last, so far, two months longer than we thought she would. She's had two rounds of surgery and treatment but has decided that is all, given that every time she does it, her side effects get much worse. I've done my best to come to terms with the fact that I'll be losing her very soon, but I find it really hard to go see her, or even to speak to her on the phone, because I don't have much to say (just because daily life is boring for me) and she finds it difficult to hold conversation.

 

At this stage, we're just trying to keep her as comfortable as possible at home and making as many memories as possible. The problem is, 2 of her kids don't put in the effort to visit her very often, and now I'm being targeted as needing to step up to the plate, as her grandchild from one of the two children, and to do more things with/for her. But I don't know if I can handle it. 

 

She's my rock, my support for anything and everything, and it's so difficult to see her declining. I can barely handle being with her for more than half an hour to grab a coffee, let alone hang around for longer to help my family do other household things, or to give my aunt, who is her carer, a longer break. But the pressure still seems to be falling to me as one of the only local grandchildren, and I don't know how I can express my difficulty without them feeling like I'm shirking the responsibility, or that I feel like it's okay to put most of the burden on other family members. 

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Re: Feeling pressured

JessLobey

I can remember how hard it was for me at 16 years of age seeing my Father fading from lung cancer, he was diagnosed on my birthday and died 2 months later,I still regret the time not spent  with him and helping my mum extra ,my feelings were of being torn apart while watching his decline it was very hard,so I do understand where you are coming from with how it affects and hurts you

 

 

Your grandmother would definitely appreciate and love  having you around her as she faces what is left of her life if you can spend the extra time good but don’t feel guilty if you can’t we are all wired differently ,it is not up to you to step up for others at this time it is an individual decision,years ago I was seriously ill and close to the end ,my grandchildren and my daughter moved in with us to help out,it was a real comfort to have them around,I got well and they are still living here helping my wife and I, but our circumstances are very different to what you are facing ,my wife has a degenerative condition and I need help with her,unfortunately watching a loved one slowly fade away is very hard but that’s what happens in life ,your decision has to be made by you and no one else concerning your grandmothers situation.You are not shirking your responsibility it’s a terrible time for all concerned.

Best wishes 

kj

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