Having to be strong for everyone, when I myself can’t be strong

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Having to be strong for everyone, when I myself can’t be strong

It has been the most hurtful, fearful 3 weeks of our lives. I’m 33 year old female, I am the oldest of two sisters 25,22. My mother 56 and my dad 55. All this started about two months ago. My dad was having a hard time swallowing and when he would eat his stomach would hurt. It got to the point where he couldn’t no longer eat much . He went to the ER they did a CT scan and diagnosed him with gastritis and duodenitis and sent him home. A month went passed by and he got to the point that any thing he ate he threw up. And lost so much weight, in a time span of a month. He was feeling very weak and we had to convince him to go to another ER...‘that’s where our nightmare started... he was admitted and they did a CT scan where they found a mass of 12cm in his stomach and a mass in his esophagus . Next day they sent him for a endoscopy to do a biopsy, before the biopsy results where ready.... they had told him he had cancer. He stayed in the hospital for 1 and 1/2 weeks... after results confirmed biopsy was malignant.... they decided to do a laparoscopic surgery to take biopsy from his lymph nodes in his stomach. We received the most hard news, he was stage 4 cancer... surgery was not an option since the cancer has spread everywhere in the stomach. They did say chemo was just to prolong life. They put a port cath and discharged him exactly a week ago. He will start his chemo this Monday.  It has been so hard seeing my dad and him not being able to eat solid foods,only being able to “eat” liquids, and seeing him throwing up because he doesn’t feel well, and seeing him so weak. I am terrified of him staring chemo and him only getting worse. In order

to try to kill the cancer cells, they also want to do radiation twice a day. I am beyond terrified of seeing him worse... although he is very optimistic  and strong... it hurt so much to see him like this... I ask myself how did he end Up here or why is this happening. I have to be strong for my dad who has start 4 cancer,

for my mom Who has always been inseparable from my dad, my two younger sisters, and my 14 year old son... I am optimistic as well and I pray and pray my dad will beat this... but I’m not going to lie, I’m so broken with sadness and fear. In front of everyone I have to be strong and stand tall... but when I’m by myself I cry and cry because my heart hurts seeing my dad this way and I’m so terrified of losing him.  I’m so terrified of seeing him hurt or be more sick. I don’t know how to deal with all this... I just keep asking myself why is all this happening? 

Super Contributor

Re: Having to be strong for everyone, when I myself can’t be strong

Hi @Celeste915,

Bad things happen.
Don't take so much weight on your shoulders. You are not alone in this situation. You are part of a family, & as a family, you can make it through the tough times ahead - if you care for each other. One person doesn't have to be strong for the entire family. You are entitled to cry & feel worried & anxious just as much as your mother & sisters. Let your feelings be seen as well. You might be surprised at how much strength you can draw from each other.
If you find it getting too much for you, talk to someone - a counsellor, preist, etc, but don't wait till it gets very bad, & even get the whole family involved. It's excellent therapy. You can even call someone from the Cancer Council on 131120 to get support & information.

Take care
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