Helping your partner

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Helping your partner

I need some advice on how to help my partner. His mum was diagnosed with lung cancer and he's not coping so well. Its been 8 months since the diagnoses and things aren't looking good treatment wise. He's going down a black hole and won't open up to me or anyone really, it's not personal that's just how he is. Any tips or advice on how to help him? 
Advice in general about helping your partner cope through this..

Thanks

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Re: Helping your partner

Hi Lilly,

 

I am sorry for the late reply, is he still refusing open communication? Have you managed to get the flood gates going just yet? If not, maybe speaking with someone who is not family related could be beneficial? Maybe a guidance counsellor?

 

If that is currently not an option then perhaps a more basic option is needed. Simply being there, letting him know that your available to speak whatever, assisting with the small things at home, showing affection such as hand holding, gently pat on the shoulder or even a hug. Showing physical emotionally attachment is a very powerful and comforting thing.

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Re: Helping your partner

Thankyou for your reply. The flood gates are still tightly shut and don't look like they will ever open. Whats frustrating is he will talk to my family and friends about how he's doing and coping, how his Mum is doing but when I ask him he turns mute. I don't understand why, does he not trust me? I've spoken to him and questioned him why but he never answers. It's just strange, confusing and again frustrating. 

 

He refuses to see any sort of councillor, or support group. He wants to try and fight this on his own, and he can but it's not an easy thing to do and he needs professional advice. I keep giving him advice for example trying to meditate to reduce his stress. In the moment he seems interested but then he says "no, thats stupid, it won't help me", before he's even given It a chance. 

 

I guess its hard when I'm trying so hard to help him and he's not responding to it because I don't know he's scared for me. Makes me more scared not knowing what's going on and how he really feels. 

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Re: Helping your partner

and I give him affection, hugs, kissing, hand holding as a sign of support but generally he just tells me I'm annoying and to go away. It sounds all very mean when I type it but I know he loves me he's just not a very affectionate persons who wants hugs and kisses, which is ok but thats how I grew up and learned to give support by. 

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