How do I cope

[Sarah7]

Hey! Writing because you never know...my dad died unexpected 7 year anniversary in couple weeks. Months after dad died mum got stage 4 vaginal cancer. I am adult only child single no children it's just me an mum now. I live interstate. My mum is really strong willed. Worries about me at work if time off. I say I am coming anyway and she becomes incredibly angry. I don't want to take away what sense of control she has. 

So I am not coping with it. I totalled my new car. And couple days after flat mate took me to hospital thought I was having a stroke a stroke. So guess I am looking for how do I support my very angry mum and myself too...1 week radiotherapy done 5 more go

[sch]

Hi Sarah7,

I'm sorry to hear about your mum and dad. It can be very stressful with everything that is going on.

I can't speak on your Mum's behalf as I don't know her, but I wonder if she doesn't want your life to be put on hold while she struggles to accept that the end of hers may also be approaching.

Maybe she would like to think of life continuing on as normal when she has gone?

Have you asked her why she doesn't want you to come?

Look, I'm no therapist, I can only try and provide you some insight based on my experience. Accepting that things are coming to an end can be quite confronting, especially if she feels as though she's losing control.

Trying ask her if you haven't already, or potentially ask a third party to (a friend for example).

All the best.

-sch

[Frostling]

My mother is somewhat the same and we ended up with a compromise - I asked work for leave without pay for the next 6 months instead of resigning so I could be with her as much as I could. Perhaps you could do the same? Or just 3 months at the least?

Also I believe there are possible funding available for cancer patients/caregivers by cancer council government? Don’t quote me on that however and perhaps research into it.

Also there are therapists - ones specially for helping caregivers through cancer but mostly - just try and find a friend close by that can be there with you.  I’m so sorry for you and your mum - I understand and only just coping myself with my own mothers cancer.