Looking for advice

[Vern]

Hi Jon

My name is Vern

My wife was diagnosed 2 years ago with triple negative breast cancer. So far, she has been through 2 chemo treatments, chemo pills, radiation and surgery. She is now in her 3rd chemo treatment with a new drug. So far, we have only negative results from pet scans. A blood test turned up positive. Like you I’m scared to death. It feels like I’m being punched in the stomach every day. I haven’t missed any of her appointments. I have reassured her no matter what happens she will never be alone. I feel helpless and powerless . Theirs nothing I can do accept get her the best medical care available which I’ve done. We’ve been married 25 years. I’ve done my best to give her the best life I could.  I understand and feel what your going through. Every day feels like yesterday, every thought hurts somehow. I have support from friends  but theirs only so much they can offer. I can’t do anything about the cancer. If I could I would take it from her in a second. I would sacrifice everything for her to be cancer free. She’s in gods hands and I have to accept it no matter what. We’re in the medical world now and the only thing we can do is hope. Hope for new drug or something.  I have many friends who have lost their spouses 6 of them. They have all moved on to someone new and have managed to get their lives back. That gives me hope. It’s not not what I want but I want to keep living. This is what I told one my my friends who just lost his wife. No matter what she will always be in your heart and theirs nothing or nobody can do take that from you. I doesn’t mean you can’t share your heart with someone else if you choose to, it just means she owns that place in your heart and you will never give that up. I’m with you.

Vern

[Suzie2022]

I’m going through the same feelings of helplessness, sadness, and fear that you have mentioned because my only sister has been diagnosed with AML, which has a poor survival rate.  I spend some of my time crying but always try to hope and pray for her recovery.  I have to remember that we aren’t born with expiration dates and we don’t know when we will die, but to live our lives day to day, coping and supporting each other. Talk to someone who is positive and understanding.  It really helps to lean on others and talk about your feelings.  You have honest emotions that need to be shared.

[stirling]

Hi Susie,

thanks for posting. Yes, all your feelings are indeed valid and seem totally appropriate to me. Sorry to hear about your sister. AML is indeed nasty. There are times when I feel very upset and really dont know my next step, seems anything I want to do just isnt worth it, why bother. Thankfully this doesn't last long.

Recently I caught  a reflection of myself and realised how sick I look reality was about to drag me down until I walked into the sunshine and saw the huge river and heard all the birds sqwarking and singing, nature has such a positive effect with me. There's no doubt your sister needs your love now, use your time, just being with her is valuable. Its my belief that conversation doesnt need to be too deep, about the past, the things your sorry about or anything too serious. Simply being with her at a difficult time will help you both feel ok.