Loving someone with stage 4 cancer but not in love


Loving someone with stage 4 cancer but not in love

  • I feel so devastated to say I love my partner dearly, and my heart breaks at what he's going through. But I am not in love with him. How does anyone cope with the choice to keep supporting him, even though it is detrimental to your own sanity and mental /professional progress? I feel I can't leave him on his own 
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Re: Loving someone with stage 4 cancer but not in love

Hi @Metoo 

There is no doubt that the dynamics of a relationship changes when our partners have cancer and particularly as it progresses.  We can find being their for the long haul challenging particularly as there are likely lifestyle adaptations along with mood changes in our partners.


When we are young we dream of growing old together with someone and we too have grief and loss that comes with a diagnosis and coming to terms with the fact that this may not happen. 


Self care is essential if we are to cope as caregivers and I have found that by paying attention and  looking after each of the 8 dimensions of wellness  it has been beneficial and I am able to manage heaps better with my partners cancer diagnosis than when he previously had an acute exacerbation of a different condition that at the time was potentially terminal.   

images - 2020-07-18T165635.363.jpeg


The cancer council have a guide that you may find helpful, here is the link to it:



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