Mum has just been diagnosed with cancer

[Tanmar80]

Hi all. My mum has been diagnosed with cancer. I have never been more scared in my life. I hate seeing her so anxious and stressed. I also feed off her energy. When she is anxious so am I. I don't know how to cope. I am scared of leaving her alone because of her mental health. None of her friends have checked in on her. She is such a proud woman. She only speaks to me. I am so overwhelmed by my feelings. When I tell people about my mum they tell me about how they have lost a family member to the disease. This is why I don't want to talk about it with anyone. I'm scared of how the treatment will affect her. I live at home with her. I am a realist. I know we all move to eternal life... but why am I not coping????

[Susana_CCNSW]

Hello Tanmar80,

I am very sorry to hear about you dear mum's diagnosis and also the impact this is having on you.

The following link has some information relating to the support available for those caring for someone diagnosed with cancer. I hope you find these resources useful, but if you need to talk to someone  please call our information and support number on 131120.

Warm regards 

Susana

https://www.cancercouncil.com.au/cancer-information/carers/support-and-information/

[WindsweptDancer]

Hi Tanmar80,

                            My Mum, too, has recently been diagnosed with cancer.  She has only just told her best friend of her diagnosis and none of her family.  Like you, I am at home with her (and my Dad); I am an only child so it's a no-brainer that I would end up caring for them in their later years.

Has your Mum started any treatment?  How is she going with it?

Please don't question yourself as to why you are not coping; I don't think there is any handbook for how we respond to this.  Just know you are not alone.

Warm Wishes

WindsweptDancer

[Tanmar80]

Thanks so much for your email. I really appreciate it.

I am so sorry to hear about your mum, WindsweptDancer. 

Mum has a treatment plan, and she has completed one round. I am so proud of her. She is handling it like a trooper. She has gone cold turkey - stopped smoking at time of diagnosis. She is tired and nauseous... I am praying this treatment plan goes well for the next 3 months.

We are coping a little better than what we were with initial diagnosis. Prayers have helped tremendously.

Also talking to positive people and talking to people who have gone through it and have come out on the other side. Understanding that it is no longer a death sentence. It should be treated as any other disease with long term treatment. I think changing mindset has helped. 

It was hard... Still hard... It's MUM... my MUM. The person who has battled so much in her life. Thats why this is so hard to fathom. 

But knowing we are not alone, helps. Knowing there are plans in place... Take each day as it comes.

[David76]

It's important to have time to yourself (or with friends) away from her. That anxiety will cripple you in the long run. It did with me. Mum had bladder cancer 2 years ago for a year on and off. Then 1 year of treatment afterwards. It's common for friends to keep their distance. Usually because they were never really friends, but rather acquaintances. That's what mum found. Sometimes support comes from the strangest people (hairdresser, cosmetics rep, ec. ) though. Friends who walk away aren't what I call support.