Need advice- my 76 yr old dad has terminal stage 4 eosphageal cancer in the lungs and is back in hos

[Auskazza]

Hi all

I'm just wondering if anyone else has been in c situation.

Since February this year my 76yr old father had a tracheotomy permanently put in and was diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer stage 4 in his right lung. It was too high risk to remove the tumour so he was referred to palliative care. They didn't expect him to last much longer.  My dad refused palliative chemo due to all the side effects he could potentially get.

The reason he ended up having a tracheotomy is due to a major side effect of radiation therapy which he had last year when he was treated for a very small tumour in his esophagus.  He ended up with scaring which caused necrosis of his tissues around the vocal chords and throat(He originally had surgery to remove a tumour in his esophagus in 1996, we thought he had been in remission for over 20 plus years but have just found out he hid a few cancer diagnosis over the last 10 years or so.) He also had a nasal feeding tube since sept last year which he did not like, they tried to place one in his intestine but it caused complications which became life threatening. Since mid February this year a surgeon was able to remove the nasal feeding tube and replace it with a peg one through his bowel. It has been replaced two times since once in march due to blockage and once two weeks ago due to the tube splitting and two blockages.

 So my dad has been not having much quality of life (not able to talk, eat or drink). He insisted on staying at home. However just recently we found out that the options of care he could receive due to having a tracheotomy is very limited. He can't go into the hospice as he doesn't need 24/7 care and the other option is a nursing home which is also limited due to the tracheotomy.

  Also a week before he had issues with his feeding tube he ended up in hospital with pneumonia. During that time they discovered two blood clots one in his shoulder and one his arm. He recovered and was discharged home. He is on medication to treat his clots as they found potential for him to be at risk of dvt he has a follow up with a haematologist in a month's time.

  However yesterday early hours of the morning my dad had a significant fall and was sent to hospital by ambulance due to low blood pressure and was in quite a bit of pain in his sides. In emergency they did xray and ct scan and found he had broken his ribs and had a bleed in his liver. Due to everything he has the doctors are hoping his liver will heal itself and won't have to do high risk surgery. We find more out today

He is currently been admitted onto a private room however in the ent department his original ward he was in back in February.

Today is his 76th birthday

I guess now he should qualify for 24/7 care in a hospice otherwise I guess it will be a nursing home as my mum who has health issues of her own can't really care for him anymore at home. My sister and live 5hrs away from them

 My brother lives with my parents with his partner and her little 4 yr old boy. 

However my brother and his partner aren't able to help out with care due to work and family commitments.

I'm just wondering if anyone has been in this similar situation. I'm preparing for having to let go of my dad soon. We know his body is slowing down and getting close to end of days. There is a chance he could die in hospital today or so. However I haven't really said my goodbye to him. Even though I stayed up with my parents for the month  February. I did say goodbye but then a month later in insisted on mum putting the phone on speaker so he could hear the conversation. So then it meant I haven't said goodbye

I can't really on a phone as he can't speak.  I'm hoping to go home with my husband next weekend to see him for the last time in person as I can't this weekend due to our work commitments.

I guess I just needed to get this all off my chest

 I'm really hoping someone has had a similar or is going through a similar experience. I'm not young myself at 43. It feels like we are meant to be able to cope without needing to reach out.

There is quite alot more to this story dealing with quite a few miscommunication within the hospital departments which my dad and our family unfortunately experienced in February which caused additional stress to what we are going through. And other things as well such as organising care services at home for both my parents.

Anyway thankyou for letting me write this. I'm feeling a bit better.

Thankyou