Not sure what to do

New Contributor

Not sure what to do

I have been getting to know and dating a wonderful man.  I am 49 and he is 44.  We have a fantastic connection and we have been seeing each other for 2 months.  I knew from past conversations with him that about 5 years ago he had Lymphoma and had to go through Chemo.  He has been in remission all this time up until 2 nights ago when he got some results back from his Doctor giving him the news that he got not so great news and will be starting chemo in 3 weeks time.


I knew something had been up with him as we were in mid text chat on Wednesday night and then he completely just disappeared and stopped texting back.  I tried texting him Thursday morning and got no response and so then I sent a message Thursday afternoon as it was not like him and I was so worried.  He finally read my message and answered with "I'm so sorry, so after I got home yesterday I got a call from my Doctor and well sucky news but is what it is and then I left my phone at home today because I really just couldn't today.  I will be starting chemo in 3 weeks, let the fun begin I guess"


I tried calling him as soon as he sent the message but he didn't answer so I texted back telling him that I wanted him to know that I know he doesn't feel like talking to anyone right now but I am not going anywhere and I am here for him 100%.  I asked him not to shut me out and that I care about him and I want to be there for him so please let me.


I got no response to that.  He didn't even try to read it from what I could see.  I then a couple hours later sent another text telling him I was going to check in on him to see if there is anything I can do to help him and suggested things like getting his groceries, cooking food, any type of chore he might not be able to do and even running him to an appointment or even just coming to see him and keep him company.


He finally read my messages an hour later and responded with " I'm ok, sorry, I'm just processing, I haven't told anyone yet but I'll be okay.  I'm just planning out my next move and I will know more after next Tuesday".


I replied back saying I understand he is shattered and asked if he could keep me updated and that I want to be there for him.  He never came back to read my last message.


This morning I sent him a simple "Thinking of you xoxo" and he still hasn't read that and it s the end of the day Friday now.


I don't want him to think I don't care if I am not sending some sort of message as before this we would text every single day and even have phone calls once a week.


Is it wrong for me to send a xoxo or a good morning or hey, thinking of you brief message each day?  Even though he isn't even checking to see if I am sending him anything I would like to believe eventually he will see them and see I am not giving up on him just because he is going through this again.


Any advice would be great.

Regular Contributor

Re: Not sure what to do

Hi Loulou, so sorry your man has got the lymphoma back again. He would be devastated. I had non Hodgkin’s lymphoma 2 years ago and the chemo was hard going. As I don’t know him it’s hard to understand what he is feeling. I know my daily texts from loved ones got me through each day. Most days I couldn’t even reply. You are probably just going to have to let him decide to share this journey with you or not.  Just a horrible situation for you both💕🙏 Linda G

New Contributor

Re: Not sure what to do

Hi Linda. 


Thanks for your response.  

He has let me know he saw the Dr yesterday and he has Stage 3 Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma with a 62% chance of making it to 5 years. It has travelled to his lungs. He is telling his Mum and older kids tonight and his younger daughter when she comes back from her holiday. He is going to move in with his Mum and is struggling to be positive. At the age of 44 he is now deciding if he wants to actually go down the chemo route. He feels lost and feels like driving his car off a bridge. He is broken and so am I. 

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Cancer Council Team

Re: Not sure what to do

Hi LouLou1,

Thank you very much for reaching out and for supporting your partner through this very difficult and emotional experience.

I you, or your partner need to talk to someone please call 131120, one of our professional consultants will be able to provide support and also any needed information.

Kind regards



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