Need someone to talk to

[#1]

My girlfriend has stage four brain cancer. Her prognosis is not good. And though we have only been in a relationship just over three months, she has been a good friend for over two years. My family is not around, as being gay kinda goes against their beliefs, and my friends think along the lines that if it is hard, I should just leave. I love my girlfriend and I would not change being with her for anything...but it does get hard. When I lie next to her, watching her breathe, just to make sure that she is still breathing. I get a phone call from an unknown number and I worry that it will be someone contacting me in regards to her being at the hospital. I watch her in pain, and even though she tries so hard to hide the pain she is in, when she gets back from chemo or radiation, she hurts...and there isn't anything that I can do to help. She passes out in my arms and wakes up not remembering who I am. It is hard. But it is worth it...I just need someone to talk to who understands what I am going through and doesn't tell me I am being stupid or claiming that I am being taken advantage of.

[Groenevelt68]

Hello, Firstly, only you know what is the right decision, follow your heart. What ever decision you make, it will be very hard. If you walk away, you have the knowledge that your best friend, partner passed away without you, if you stay, you know you will be in for a hard journey. To be there for a dear friend regardless of what type of relationship (marriage, lovers, partners, friends), is very rewarding. To assist someone along one of life's hardest journeys leaves a treasured memory in your heart. I just spent 12 months on the journey of brain tumours, I was from the day Pieter went to hospital and was diagnosed to being there for the day he took his last breath, and I would not change that for the world (actually I would do it all again, if it meant the opportunity just to be with him, for even 5 minutes). It was my decision to resign my job and become full time Carer, and I have no regrets. It was a beautiful time (at times hard, and sad), but the knowledge that I supported the one I love through the journey of cancer and death is very rewarding. This is not for everyone, once again listen to your heart, you already know what you need to do. Believe in your decision, do not have regrets. Yours

[Groenevelt68]

Hello, Firstly, only you know what is the right decision, follow your heart. What ever decision you make, it will be very hard. If you walk away, you have the knowledge that your best friend, partner passed away without you, if you stay, you know you will be in for a hard journey. To be there for a dear friend regardless of what type of relationship (marriage, lovers, partners, friends), is very rewarding. To assist someone along one of life's hardest journeys leaves a treasured memory in your heart. I just spent 12 months on the journey of brain tumours, I was from the day Pieter went to hospital and was diagnosed to being there for the day he took his last breath, and I would not change that for the world (actually I would do it all again, if it meant the opportunity just to be with him, for even 5 minutes). It was my decision to resign my job and become full time Carer, and I have no regrets. It was a beautiful time (at times hard, and sad), but the knowledge that I supported the one I love through the journey of cancer and death is very rewarding. This is not for everyone, once again listen to your heart, you already know what you need to do. Believe in your decision, do not have regrets. Yours

[#4]

Thank you for your insights and for sharing. I never questioned if I would leave...for me and my heart, it is not an option. It just gets hard doing it alone. I knew about her cancer before we started our relationship and it is worth every second, it is just nice to have some support every now and then 🙂

[Kate_McTavish]

Hi Angelicyang, I am also in a same sex relationship and totally understand the difficulty that comes with extended families not supporting our relationships through sickness and health. Your not alone my sister, I walk with you and hear you. I supported my mother during her cancer journey with several diagnosis, one being brain cancer and feel your struggle, know your worry and sadness, and honor your strength to walk beside by the one you love. I agree that you, and only you, can make decisions about caring for your partner. The length of time together is not relevant to the degree of love and care that we give, I look back and regret nothing about loving, caring and supporting the ones I love. My only encouragement would be that you seek your own support for yourself during this time, I later wished that I had of organised to have ongoing counselling during her cancers for my own emotional support so I could have had someone to cry with and care for me. I spent years caring for my mum and supporting her, being the strong one and put my own emotional care on hold. I eventually ran out of energy and feel into pieces. There is a Lesbian breast cancer support group in Melbourne, if you ring them they may know of some services/counselling that you can access depending where you live to support you during this time. http://www.bcna.org.au/membergroup/group/lesbian-cancer-support-group Kate. Southwest, Western Australia.

[Kate_McTavish]

Hi Angelicyang, I am also in a same sex relationship and totally understand the difficulty that comes with extended families not supporting our relationships through sickness and health. Your not alone my sister, I walk with you and hear you. I supported my mother during her cancer journey with several diagnosis, one being brain cancer and feel your struggle, know your worry and sadness, and honor your strength to walk beside by the one you love. I agree that you, and only you, can make decisions about caring for your partner. The length of time together is not relevant to the degree of love and care that we give, I look back and regret nothing about loving, caring and supporting the ones I love. My only encouragement would be that you seek your own support for yourself during this time, I later wished that I had of organised to have ongoing counselling during her cancers for my own emotional support so I could have had someone to cry with and care for me. I spent years caring for my mum and supporting her, being the strong one and put my own emotional care on hold. I eventually ran out of energy and feel into pieces. There is a Lesbian breast cancer support group in Melbourne, if you ring them they may know of some services/counselling that you can access depending where you live to support you during this time. http://www.bcna.org.au/membergroup/group/lesbian-cancer-support-group Kate. Southwest, Western Australia.