Partner diagnosed with cancer last September and has just finished radiotherapy.

[purpleangels]

Hi there! I just had to write and tell you about these books I found on amazon....."how to help children through a parent's serious illness" Kathleen McCue and "when a parent has cancer" by Wendy Schlessel Harpham. We have two kids 4 and 6. My husband was diagnosed 3 years ago with a rare cancer in his peritoneum. I wish I had found these books then....easy to read, practical and helpful...... Good luck with your husband....take it a day at a time........ PA

[purpleangels]

Hi there again..... I forgot to mention that being honest with the kids is probably the best way to deal with the mood swings, tiredness, grumpiness, anger etc etc etc (I don't need to tell ya).....even the littlest ones can understand feeling sick/ tired/ grouchy. It is so hard, I try and take my kids away for weekends when I can so they have a great time with a well parent. We also try to have family holidays where my husband makes the supreme effort to be up and about and doing " normal" dad things. It wipes him out for a week or so after, but we have photos and video of him being a dad, which the kids like to look at when he has had a spell in bed or in hospital. I find with my kids though, they lose it if I lose it, so if I am feeling angry with dad, then the kids pick up on that and chuck more Wobblies than usual,- a vicious circle.....but I am really trying to breathe, get into the " happiness project" ( I am reading a LOT of self help books) and stay calm....... Easy to say now my children are asleep, and I am off to bed myself in a sec, but so important...... Love and hugs to you, I hear ya!!!!!!!!! Keep going..... PA

[Rodney]

Sorry it's bit of a tough slog ,I have had neck dissension about 12 months and two lots of radiation therapy ,it's a long story but I am back at work and getting on with things. Yes I can understand your partner getting angry I did to but I transferred my anger to the cancer and unfortunately a doctor that could not be god, it's like you just want to hit out and the fear is great , does the hospital have a support group for both of you . Sometimes talking about all these feelings does help ....hope his chemo is not to hard on him ........

[Anere]

Thanks Purpleangels for the two messages and for the great suggestion of those two books. I will try and get hold of some copies of them. My 15 year old daughter got a copy of a booklet at the Peter MacCallum Hospital called Now What? Dealing with your parent's cancer, I think there is a website also www.nowwhat.org.au and that was a very helpful and informative book and it helped her cope a bit better with it all. My 11 year old son has his ups and downs and someimes he seems to be coping fine, and then other times I can see he gets very emotional and angry. Going out for family outings and taking photos sounds like a really good idea and as you said it's good for kids etc. I am still learning day to day how to deal and cope with everything but getting messages for all you lovely people who are going through the same sort of tough time helps you manage better. Books do help and I have been reading several on how to cope with anxiety, meditation etc but I also read fictional novels just to get me away from it all for a while, and take me to another place so that I can try to relax. You are so right that our moods affect our kids moods and it's like a visious cirle, they can pick up your vibes and then the situation becomes worse and worse, so it's best for us to take a few good deep breaths and stay calm so that they do not get upset and we don't fall to pieces. I wish you and your family all the best through this tough time. Keep in touch. Best wishes and hugs Anere

[Anere]

Thanks for your message Rodney it sounds like you also have been through an incredibly tough time over the past year or so. The neck operation would have been a major op and then the radiotherapy following that is pretty tough to say the least also but it's good to hear that you are back at work and getting on with things. My husband's chemo is not going to well but at least we were warned about all the side effects. About 10 days after his first dose he got fever and couldn't eat because mouth was swollen and too sore and now he's back in hospital. Hopefully he will be out soon but then he has to have his next dose of chemo next Tuesday so we will be on the same rollercoaster again. You are right that talking about your feelings is important and especially with people who are in similar situations so that is a great help. I hope work is going well and that you are feeling good. Take care and thanks again Anere