Prostate Cancer

[Robbie68]

Hello, my husband has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. He has had it for nine years but two years ago it left the prostate, and he has metastases in other parts of his body. He didn't interview or select his oncologist, rather he was recommended to someone at Peter Mac at that time (2 years ago) who assigned an oncologist. My husband needs to feel like he has some control over his own life and researches integrative approaches. He has been open with them about his various supplements and a treatment that has shown promise overseas that he has now begun himself, an oral medication. It seems that they want him to be part of their research program for a particular late-stage prostate cancer protocol but since this affects the immune system, he is reluctant, seeing it only as an 'if all else fails' choice. He finds his oncologist rude and dismissive, he spends less than 5 minutes with him during appointments and in recent months, heavy handed. I have urged him to ask for a second opinion at Peter Mac but he is very worried he will be thrown out of their care.

Can anyone offer any advice please? 

[joseph_CCNSW]

Hello Robbie68.  I can hear how worries about your husbands care have impacted you.  Thank you for posing here.  The online forum can be a wonderful space to find support from others who connect with your experience and share their own stories. You may also find it helpful to search Cancer Council's  website or to call our 13 11 20 team for information about the range of services available to support you.   Kind regards ... Joseph_CCNSW

[MarkJG]

Hi Robbie68.  I've been fighting it for almost 3 years now and have had mixed experiences with doctors.  Appointments are short, and it can feel like they just don't have time for you, especially when treatments don't seem to be going well.  
I have a support group and we got a radiation oncologist give a presentation to us.  The subject of 2nd opinions came up.  One of the guys asked him how they feel if a patient goes and gets a 2nd opinion.  He said they encourage it, as they just want patients to feel like they are getting the best possible treatment.  While it sounded a little like 'just giving the right answer' to my more cynical mind, he seemed genuine.  I had that in mind when I went and got a 2nd opinion, just because i felt I just needed to hear someone else's view.
I think it's just so important to have someone you trust and feel like are working with you and your husband.  I totally get that feeling of not wanting to upset or insult anyone by asking for a 2nd opinion.  I actually arranged mine through my GP, so my oncologist wasn't aware I did it.  I just felt it was now or never and decided to pay to see someone privately to review my case.  But from everything I've been told, it's not an issue to get a 2nd opinion and there's no personal offense taken.  it's our right to feel comfortable with our medical professionals, especially when the stakes are so high.

So as I said, I can totally understand your husband's reluctance, but us mean can be stubborn at times... so maybe some gentle prodding or persuasion can help.  My partner actually convinced me to get a 2nd opinion, so part of my decision was to reduce the stress on her.  Personally, I think it will be a huge mental relief for your husband if he does get the 2nd opinion.  If only just for some confidence and clarity about his ongoing care.