Hi Seashell,
I totally 'get' what you are saying. I have often said similar things to many friends.
It isn't like they show on the movies, lots of poignant moments, joyful reminiscing and tender touching events.
It is bloody painful. It hurts. It tears you apart to see the person you love disappearing before your eyes.
My husband has oesophageal cancer with secondaries in the abdomen and brain. Not only am I seeing physical changes and the emotional changes you would expect from someone who is facing their own mortality, the tumour on the brain is effecting him mentally as well. Personality changes/vagueness/loss of memory etc etc. None of that is how I want to remember him. That is all stuff I want to forget as soon as possible.
Until you've experienced it, it is impossible to know just how hard it is 'to make the most of every moment' and create special memories.
Naturally, we will try, but it's ok to feel that it's a tough ask.
Thinking of you,
Jill