Its so hard when people say "make the most of the time you have left with him" and "make special memories"
Its such an evil disease in the sense that in many cases you dont get given the time to do that at all. When holding a conversation or standing in the shower for 10 minutes is too much for your loved one, how on earth DO you "make the most of it" ?
I dont want to remember Dad in the way that he is now. he doesnt even look like my dad. I want to erase the past couple of months of my dad and have my memories end when he was still enjoying a quality of life.
Does anyone else have these feelings?
When a very close friend died he was living on the far north NSW coast and I live in Sydney. I unfortunately missed seeing him by a day as he declined very rapidly and my flight organisation etc didn't work.
His wife said that she wanted me to remember him like he was - a guy who played guitar and ran a 2hr 50 min marathon. That is how I do rememeber him but I also wish that I could have that day, just to hold his hand and to tell him that I loved him.
I guess just take each day as it comes and I beleive your memories will be what you want them to be.
I totally 'get' what you are saying. I have often said similar things to many friends.
It isn't like they show on the movies, lots of poignant moments, joyful reminiscing and tender touching events.
It is bloody painful. It hurts. It tears you apart to see the person you love disappearing before your eyes.
My husband has oesophageal cancer with secondaries in the abdomen and brain. Not only am I seeing physical changes and the emotional changes you would expect from someone who is facing their own mortality, the tumour on the brain is effecting him mentally as well. Personality changes/vagueness/loss of memory etc etc. None of that is how I want to remember him. That is all stuff I want to forget as soon as possible.
Until you've experienced it, it is impossible to know just how hard it is 'to make the most of every moment' and create special memories.
Naturally, we will try, but it's ok to feel that it's a tough ask.
Thinking of you,
Is all of this is perhaps a lesson for everyone to take on board? Irrespective of our circumstances, we must never take those around us for granted. One day, maybe, they may not be the same person so let's rejoice in each other now.
My thoughts to you both through this heart breaking time.
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.