Understanding advanced cancer stage IV Melamoma

[Tanya67]

Hi all,  my father was diagnosed with stage four melanoma about 5 weeks ago, as soon as we found out. My boss said I can take some of my long service leave, I have stayed with my father to look after him as it has metastasized. He has many tumors on the brain and has just finished 5 days of radiation and has had 2 imneotherapy treatments so far. My father can no longer be on his own and I don't want to leave his side. But eventually I will have to go back to work and go back to be with my supportive fiance. How do I do all of this together?  I feel for him so much because this illness has affected him immensely. My father is nearly 80 and I want to know will the treatment give him some quality of life. 

[Budgie]

Hi Tanya67,

I'm very sorry for your father, & for the stress you're under.

If the treatment works properly, it should give him some good quality of life, as long as there are no underlying autoimmune issues to deal with.
There's a couple of options you may be able to look at regarding his care & you needing to go back to work etc; is it possible he moves in with you, or vice versa?; can he have access to a carer through palliative care?; the last option I can think of isn't a pleasant one, but, him going into an aged care facility. The last one probably wouldn't be a very good option in the current climate.
It's a difficult time for you, but try not to stress too much. There are people you can speak with who can give you great advice. You can even call the Cancer Council and speak to someone here.
Don't forget to look after yourself though. Quite often carers tend to get caught up in just looking after their loved one & neglect to take care of themselves.
Whatever you decide, I wish you well.

Budgie

[Tanya67]

Thankyou for your reply, I have had contact with palliative care, they said to wait a couple of weeks after his radiation and see how he goes.  With the virus situation at the moment it is very hard to get respite. My father God love him is very stubborn and set in his ways.  He doesn't want to come home with me for the weekend,  I feel that I should just go home by myself and make him realize that he is unable to be by himself. 

My aged care are prioritizing him in the system. Should here from them in a couple of weeks. I have sisters who don't want to help whether they are just lazy or scared not sure. Frustrating because they don't work.