how to stay strong for someone

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New Member

how to stay strong for someone

Hi, I joined this forum because I am having a lot of trouble processing this. My boyfriend has a brain tumor (i knew this coming into the relationship), and recently told me next month he will be getting an MRI to see what it's looking like. It might not be cancer, it might not even be growing, but what I do know is I am COMPLETELY terrified. He has had cancer twice before, one little patch removed from his skin and once in his urethra. 

 

He is, outwardly, a strong guy, and doesn't really show when stuff is bothering him, but when he was telling me, I could feel some fear in his voice. We both joke to cope with heavy news so when he told me we made some jokes and laughed about it. About how nothing can kill him - I mean, guy's had cancer twice, been electrocuted twice in the last year, fallen off of high places...he really should be dead, lol. I wish desperately to be there for him during but he told me he likes to be alone to process this stuff, and I will 100% respect his wishes. I don't even know that much about his brain tumor because I'm scared to hurt or scare him by asking more. 

 

But I'm just so distraught. I haven't shown him at all how much this is bothering me because since he is so strong I feel like I need to be strong for him too, because he needs it more than I do. He doesn't have the best support group in the world.  I find myself just sobbing at the drop of a hat and every time I let my mind wander even slightly I am just petrified. It has been a long and difficult two years where I have already lost several relatives to  cancer, and now I'm afraid it's going to claim another person I love. What do I even do?  I want to ask him more about it but I am afraid of showing him I'm weak and scared and scaring him too. I don't even know what to do. I'm not ready to lose someone in such a slow and horrific way again (even though we don't know what the tumor even is at this point.)

 

If you guys have any advice or anything I'd appreciate it. Thank you for letting me vent.

2 REPLIES 2
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Super Contributor

Re: how to stay strong for someone

Hi Mary_O_

Try not to stress!
Firstly, you need to ask him if he minds talking about it.
Personally, I have to talk about my cancer. It's the only way for me. My husband & I are like you & your partner in the way we joke about it, but it does help. Any talking about it helps. If he doesn't want to talk with you, you should seek help with a counsellor. Just someone who will understand what you are going thru. The Cancer Council has a number you can call, or Lifeline.
They are both good options for you.
Fingers crossed that it's not cancer. Best of luck to you both.

Budgie
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Cancer Council NSW

Re: how to stay strong for someone

Well said Budgie...Hang in there Mary_O_

 

To access Cancer Council's counselling services call 131120. Well worth the call.

 

Good Luck 🙂

 

Paul

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