I don't know how to survive with what is left of my life

[Julia85]

Hello there, I am New to this forum, but not New to Cancer and other life threatening illnesses. 10 yrs ago I received a lung transplant because of cystic fibrosis. 4 yrs ago I developed a solid tumour in my lungs which was cut out and did not return. 

7 weeks ago tough my leg started to hurt. 2 weeks ago a 5x5 cm lump was discovered next to the muscle of my right thigh. Doctors diagnosed soft tissue sarcoma. Staging was done yesterday, its result appeared online today at my personal account of the platform of the CT centre. It says there is a 0,9 mm lump in my left lung,underneath the pleura. Since that is close to the solid tumour I had 4 yrs ago I think it is either a rezidiv of that or that the soft tissue sarcoma has spread into my lungs. But whatever it is, I just cannot take all this crap that transplant brings with, anymore. I have seen so much suffering throughout my transplant journey. And due to the immunsupressants I must take, my chances to survive are low anyway. 

I at least want to leave on my own terms. Thank god in  Austria assisted death has become legal last year. The only obstacle is that from the moment you declare your wish you have to wait 3 more Months before you receive the medication that lets you Fall asleep. I have no idea how to spend the next three months. I really hope not to offend anyone with my next sentence, but : This is way to long!I! I cannot bear 3 months of fear, Anger and sadness. I have been Living this way since getting the diagnosis, which was 2 weeks ago - and ever since for me life has become a nightmare. How on earth do you manage to live when there is no perspective on the horizon and do not go crazy???? Again, sorry for being so negative , but I cannot help myself right now.

[Susana_CCNSW]

Hello Julia85,

Thanks for reaching out, I am very sorry to hear about your long history of health issues.

I can see it has been a long, and painful journey, I hope you have the support of family and friends, as they can make this journey a bit more bearable for your.

If you need to talk to someone about all the things you have expressed in this post, please call our information and support line on 131120, to find out if one of our services is suitable for you. This line will be open during the holiday period, (except public holidays) from 9 to 5pm.

You can also call Lifeline on 131114.

Please remember we are here for you 

Warm wishes

Susana

Cancer Council

Online Community

Moderator

[Michele63]

Hello Julia85.  You have certainly been through the mill. I had a sarcoma removed from my left thigh in May 2023.  My left lung was removed in October 2023 after a 'surveillance' scan showed a tumour there that was most likely a 'secondary' of the sarcoma. Some days are more of a challenge than others for me but with the support of my GP, the sarcoma team at Sir Charles Gairdner Hospital and the palliative care team in my home town things are gradually getting better, the pain is reducing and I have more good days and bad days. I can appreciate how you feel and know how isolating cancer can be.  I hope that your situation improves and that you start having more good days and bad days.  Prayers and blessings. Michele

[Lampwork54]

Hi Julia,

You posted this in December so I'm not sure where you are with your journey.  Your cancer journey sounds horrendous and I would certainly find it hard to cope with.  I did not know you had to wait 3/12 for euthanasia.  I think that's hard when you've made up your mind to leave your body for good.  I guess it gives people to think and be sure of what they are doing.

I would prefer euthanasia to any long, drawn out or painful death.  

I hope you found a solution for those 3/12.  Best wishes for whatever future you are looking at.