Hi, I'm new to the community but just need to write this out and 'vent' my frustrations.
This all started when my dad was diagnosed with grade 4 glioblastoma in 2017, he got the results on my twin sons first birthday. He always had hope that he would recover from this horrible disease but the truth was there was no way he could come back from it.
He tried to hide a lot of it from me, I don't know if he was trying to protect me from the truth of how bad it would be or if he genuinely thought it wasn't that bad but I knew what was to come (I'm the kind of person that needs facts and research when going into anything). It was terrible to see him getting sicker and he started to lose the ability to walk which devastated him because he walked everywhere. And then came the loss of speech, it was like he had become trapped in his own body and there was nothing he could do.
He eventually succumbed to the cancer a little under a year later, a week before the twins second birthday. I went through a very hard time coming to terms with him being gone and I felt like he had left me again like when I was a child and he split with my mum. I sought grief counselling because I didn't want to be this way and didn't feel comfortable talking to my family about it for fear of upsetting them.
The counselling was amazing and 100% helped me come to terms with everything, not just my dad passing away but helping the sense of abandonment I had had since early childhood. But 6 months later just as I was starting to feel at peace with it all my nan was diagnosed with lung cancer which had spread to her brain. Again my family were trying to be hopeful but all I could think was please face the reality and seriousness of the situation, I knew that at 78 years old there wasn't going to be much the doctors could do for her. My nan also knew this and she was an amazing lady. She wasn't sure how long she would have left so decided that she would enjoy every day she had left, she drew up a bucket list and went about her day to day life as best she could. Unfortunately she never got the chance to do anything on her list, she passed away 3 weeks after her initial diagnosis.
After having the counselling I was better prepared for this loss, I look back at memories of my nan and think she had an amazing life filled with so much fun and adventure, she used those years on the planet to her fullest and had no regrets. Today will be her funeral and I'm understandably emotional but I'm more angry that cancer keeps taking my family away from me, my boys, who may or may not remember their grandad and crazy nana (that's what the boys called her) and all of my family who have to go through this loss as well.
Sorry for being so long winded but I just wanted to get it off my chest.
Thank you for sharing your story with us
I am very glad you were able to access counselling after the passing of your father, being able to talk to someone and get things off your chest is incredibly important. I do hope all went well with your Nana's funeral, and you're right, it isn't fair
We have a book about loss and understanding grief that you may like to download and read. Many people find this helpful when they experience a loss.
Cancer Council Online Community Manager
Hi, thank you for the message. My nan's funeral was wonderful which seems odd to say but she had planned every part of it herself and didn't want tears just laughter and dancing! Everyone attending the service had to do a little dance that she used to do to her favourite song 😊 It was a perfect way to say a final goodbye to such an awesome lady. My younger brother is struggling a bit but we're a big family that's incredibly close so we're helping as best we can and keeping him smiling.
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