Cleaning out my mothers belongings

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Cleaning out my mothers belongings

hi, I am hoping some one will have some advice for me. I am 44years old have 3 sisters around the same age. We have 14 children between us (except for the youngest). We lost our mum to cancer 2.5 years ago. I was ready for her death, she had suffered a long time and we openly discussed death. I was the only family member who did. What I was not prepared for was my fathers reaction. They had been together 50 years. I had never seen him cry until that moment. His legs gave away and he fell, crying, devastated. For 12 mths he struggled with suicide thoughts. But he was there for his family. He was always checking on us, making sure we were coping. After 12 mths he met his first girlfriend, she was our age. She refused to meet any of dad’s children even though we have always been a very close family. Dad drifted away. He never had time for us. He was too busy showering his girlfriend with gifts and holidays. The money didn’t bother us, we are all set up financially but we could see what she was doing. She talked so badly to him and every time a family member needed him she would need him even more urgently. Even when my sisters husband died suddenly, the concert that she needed to go to was more important then my sister and her 6 little boys. I eventually said to him to be careful, she was very young and had a bad reputation. He barely spoke to me again. After 10 long months of Dad being horrible to be around (he obviously was besotted even though she treated him badly and he would come home and treat us just as bad.) they went their sep ways. She has been all over social media saying nasty things so bad knew something wasn’t right. I tried ringing Dad every day to make sure he was ok. I messaged him love every day. Eventually he returned my call and told me to stop ringing him and stop sending messages. He was so angry he didn’t even say hello. Then on my mothers 2nd anniversary we were at her grave and he’d had one last fight with this woman. He had hurt his back and I offered him a hot pack from last car. I was told very quickly to F off. At my mothers grave. I backed off. I gave him space. I didn’t call or message. Then he met a new woman. One his age. She seems lovely from what my sisters tell me. He is always holidaying at her place and rarely home. It took him 6mths to tell me about her. I tried to chat to him and asked what I had done so wrong that he couldn’t talk to me. He told me he didn’t like me. Just like that my heart smashed into a million pieces. I can’t stop hearing it in my head over and over. He has decided all of a sudden that we need to clear our home of all mums belongings. I live 2 hrs away, my sisters live 2 minutes. I am having trouble fitting in around their work days. He won’t speak to me but he told my sisters that it was too hard for him to be there. I thought maybe it would be good for us to say goodbye as a family. I can’t get his opinion because he won’t acknowledge me. I thought he should help pack 66 years of memories away. How can it be so hard when lying in another woman’s bed is not hard? Should I offer not to be there so he can get some closure with the children he does like? He is my father and all I wish for him is happiness. I just st can’t think straight right now. I feel loved me I have to grieve my father. My sisters say I should stop being selfish and just take a couple of days off work and do it. I don’t understand the sudden rush. I just can’t be his punching bag any longer. My heart is irreversibley broken and I can’t take any more abuse from him. I have to think of my family. Am I being selfish? Should he be there? Should I drop everything and run on the day that suits them? I am desperate for my family back. Is it just gone forever?

😔TA

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Cancer Council Team

Re: Cleaning out my mothers belongings

Hi @Thomo and welcome!

 

So sorry to hear of the loss of your mother and the difficulties with your father, your mind must be in turmoil Smiley Sad

 

Has anyone here experienced something like Thomo is or perhaps has some advice? 

 

Sending love Thomo! Heart

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