So, it's been nearly a month since my mum has passed from Pancreatic cancer. 3 days off her 5 month mark.
Considering the circumstances I'm not doing too badly. I cry most nights well maybe sob but with being back at work has helped a lot. A lot more than I actually thought.
I thought I would be so distraught I wouldn't get out of bed, wouldn't want to do anything and just mope around.
I miss mum so so much and life will never be the same but I know mum wouldn't want me to ruin my life over this so I keep going. I guess I have my mums strength.
It's so strange loosing someone so close and that you'll never be able to hug them laugh with them or be there when you need them but mum will always live strong in my heart and she will be there with me just in a different way.
I've hated that time just keeps going days keep passing and just won't stand still for anyone.
For whatever reason, mum left us early and where ever she is I'm sure she will always be watching.
The weird thing is I don't feel quilty living or even laughing and the best thing of all I don't have any quilt with anything.
The hard part is of all of this is having that empty feeling that deep down hollow dark thing inside that only you know about and can feel.
Life will always be strange but this is what life has thrown and a nice twisted curve ball and you just have to take it day by day, hour by hour. Until we meet again mum.. Forever in my heart 💖