An important message for you: it isn't the end.

[Sandrina]

Hi all, my name is sandrina, 3 months ago I was diagnosed with lung cancer, I have small cells carcinoma, which means they can get rid of the small cells but they will come back. The cancer in my right lung is moving it’s way around my windpipe, my Oncologist is telling me they need to do chemo straight away I have just finished my 2 nd lot of chemo lost most of my hair after the first chemo. I feel like I am just going thru the motion . I have a family that stresses me out to the brink of why am I doing this ?? I want to beat this, but the more they stress me the more I think I should just give up. The support of my family that said they would be there for me has gone.

[CaptainAustrali]

Sandrina - I can only give you an answer specific to how *I* see the world, and I understand that

a) I might be crazy; and

b) there are many other ways to see the world

But for me .. if friends or family treat you poorly, they either

a) don't love/respect/care; or

b) don't understand

If it's (a) then it can't be cured.  I cut them loose and choose to have only positive relationships in my life.  If it's (b) it can be educated by clearly and carefully explaining what you need.

The thing about cancer is that it's *YOU* in the spotlight.  They are supporting cast.  If they can't do their jobs, you need to re-focus and make sure you tackle this fight in whatever way best fits you.  (Some people choose not to have treatment - crazy in my opinion - but everybody has choices available --- the main point is that they are YOUR choices.  Allow people to help you, influence you, advise you, guide you - but if they only give you stress and heartache - you need to do whatever is necessary to remove that noise while you fight for your life).

If they care, understand or both:  they should respect your wishes and help not hinder you.

Just my opinion.  Sorry you're in a difficult situation, I had to be very protective of my own mental health when dealing with cancer, and I feel strongly that every cancer patient needs to do the same thing.

[Sandrina]

Thank you, I am trying to get myself in a good place. I don’t want to overthink, I understand my daughter who is 39 who says she sees me but I’m not me, and that she doesn’t want to be around while I go for all my appts. I think she’s scared lost and lonely like I am, but I am also hurting too. My husband and youngest son are bi polar and my other son is a schizophrenic psychosis and I have always looked after them, but now it’s taking its toll on me. I am putting in for a transfer (house) and I am thinking of moving there by myself for my own peace of mind and health. Thank you I will keep my head up and just keep moving.

[CaptainAustrali]

Hi There

My name is Simon.  I'm 48 years old now.  I hope to live to be at least 60 (because by then, my little children will have grown into adulthood).  I have love in my life, and my wife and children live in the light of that love.

It's a real gift, because 3.5 years ago I was diagnosed with pre-terminal cancer.

I'm writing because my timeline might encourage you if you're dealing with the grief and fear of a serious cancer diagnosis (and what cancer is NOT serious?).

September 2016:  Diagnosed with advanced tonsil cancer.  Starting to spread.  6 months to live without successful treatment.  Treatment considered a 50/50 shot unless the cancer was already spreading  (but over time discovered the odds were better than that .. on diagnosis I was told my survival was a coin toss at best).  For the first week after that diagnosis I was untethered and had no idea whether the cancer had just metastasized.

December 2016 (Christmas eve):  Finished treatment.  It was an ordeal, I won't try to downplay it, all in all the treatment and side effects were somewhere between Awful and Horrible.  But I put my head down and got through it.

March 2017:  Post treatment PET scan.  I was told "it's inconclusive - there's so much damage and inflammation, the test has no way to differentiate between that and cancer)

May/June 2017:  After agonising months of waiting, get the all clear PET scan.

December 2017:  First anniversary.  Likelihood of recurrence dips slightly

December 2018:  Another dip in the likelihood of recurrence.  Still having checks every 6 weeks, camera up the nose, physical exam.

December 2019:  Three years out, statistically take a major dip in the likelihood of recurrence.

So now I'm waiting on 5 years cancer free, then (fingers crossed) 10, 15, 20.  The doctor said I can reasonably expect to live a full life. 

Yeah there are side effects, and yeah life is not what it was.

BUT I AM ALIVE.

Maybe your diagnosis is better than mine was, maybe worse.  But mine was pretty grim.  I got through it.  Take heart.  You're still alive.  YOU CAN TOO.

[CaptainAustrali]

Hey Hey - just a quick update.  

The world has gone barking mad, my business has collapsed due to COVID, I'm slowly learning the guitar, and I'm alive even if I don't quite thrive.

I'm approaching 4 years post cancer now.  Get it ?  I had a coin-toss chance at survival .. 40-60%.  Stage 4 tonsil cancer.  Six months to live without successful treatment.

Here I am 4 years later.

Take heart from that.  No matter how shitty your own personal cancer scenario looks on paper, strive and press forward, don't surrender your hope to this insidious disease.

Anyway, if you have chemoradiation, you'll find that the side effects continue to impact your live even 4 years later, but it's a small price to pay for continued survival, eh ?

All the best.

[sch]

Hi mate,

I'm sorry to hear about your business. That must be really difficult. Good to see that you are still ignoring the statics though.

The statistics are there to be ignored right?

I only had chemo and surgery for stage 2 cancer, so I'm probably not qualified, but I think you're doing amazing.

Each time something else comes along it feels like someone has punched you and you've hit the deck. You find the energy, some how, to pick yourself up again and continue on.

Best of luck mate.

-s

[Lampwork54]

Hi Sandrina,

Simon and Sch have already written you beautiful replies to your message.  They know what they're talking about and who knew we would all become experts in how to beat cancer, recover from it and continue to survive.  Critical life skills.  

I'm really sorry that your family is unable to support you through this.  That's really hard but yes, if you have to isolate yourself from them to get through this then do what you need to survive.  Just on your daughter's inability to cope - be gentle.  Not everyone is the same.   My mother was in a nursing home for 10 years after a massive stroke that paralysed her down her left side.  I was the SUPER child!  As the nursing home was nearby I would visit her two to three times a day because the first home was a nightmare and they could not keep her provided with a drink.  8 falls out of bed.  4 lockdowns for gastro.  2 emergency blood transfusions and overdosed for a year on morphine cause nightmares and hallucinations.  We were able to move her from this BUPA hell hole to Dutch Care and the change in care was magnificent.  I am one of six children but I had to take on the care of our mother.  I'm not a saint but I did learn that the most painful thing in the world is to see a parent suffering or in pain.  It's bone crushingly painful and I have shed many tears over the callous indifference to human suffering that goes on in some of these places.  My brothers and sisters retreated from the situation because it was too painful.  I couldn't retreat because I just couldn't let my mother down in her time of greatest need.  I wondered if my children would be strong enough to go through what I had.  Probably not.  I still love my children and they are wonderfully supportive but with work, children and time pressures I couldn't imagine them having the time to be helpful.  Hopefully, things will get better with your daughter but for now, focus on getting yourself as well as you can and I hope your journey through this is manageable and that you can get through this.  

[CaptainAustrali]

Thanks mate, I appreciate the kind words - actually a boost at just the right time.  I've been dealing with new stuff .. increasing facial cramps and lumps, and also possibly advanced damage to my teeth, as well as weird cramps in the legs that are hopefully just muscular and not DVT leading to PE, heh !  Cancer is the gift that keeps giving .. but I think we all need to refuse to be defined by our struggles, but rather how we rise above them.

Really appreciate the kind words, buddy.  All the best.

[GaylP]

Thank you for this message, it is something I needed to read. Yesterday  I was told my breast cancer has  metasticised into my spine, and without treatment I have six months.

With treatment I can look forward to 2 years apparently, so I am starting up chemo again next week.

I am in shock, I am angry, I am looking at someone to blame but of course this is no one's fault, not even mine.

Thank you for the opportunity to share with this community and read your stories, they will help me to realise that it may not be the end, although the path looks blurry I have to admit

[CaptainAustrali]

Yesterday, Christmas Eve, was the 4th anniversary of my last radiation treatment.  So I've officially reached an important milestone - 4 years out and no apparent recurrence.  Thankfully, my statistical likelihood of recurrence takes a pretty dramatic drop now.

I've had a shift in perspective, and for anybody looking for hope after just being diagnosed, take heart from a few things:

1) I continue to survive.  You can too.  They gave me 6 months.  I'm 4 years out and hopeful of living longer.

2) If you get lucky and beat your odds, you're at a high risk of drifting into depression in the post-treatment phase.  You realise that 'lucky' isn't a word that sits well with cancer.  The disease tries to take so much from you, not just your life.  I realise now that I've spent a few years in a bit of a slow decline.  The side effects don't help, especially thyroid damage and weight gain.  But ... and this is the 'take heart' bit ... beyond basic survivorship, the clouds can break and a little bit of hope can shine down on you.

So yeah, I've felt a bit like a broken old man, just waiting to die.  I didn't want to admit that to myself, but now that I'm starting to move forward, I can.  I've been depressed, in a bit of limbo, just pegging time until I find out if the cancer will take me.

Now, 4 years out, it's finally sinking in, not just academically, but into my bones, that I may get to live another 20 years, see my kids grow up.  I've seen, known and understood that already, but now ... it's gone from aspirational to .. I dunno, the natural state of things.  It's sunk in, and I've allowed myself to start moving on.

Healthy living, lose weight, actively pursue happiness ... all of that stuff is creeping back into my life.

So .. if you're here because you're freshly diagnosed and grappling for hope, some kind of anchor .. if you tough it out, and if you manage to beat your cancer, things get better.    I think I'm on the edge of coming back to life ... it's a good feeling.

All the best to you, I hope that somebody takes comfort from this - knowing you're not alone, and knowing that even the grimmest odds can be beaten.  It isn't over yet, do your best, keep your hope alive as long as you can, and even if it withers - hang in there, the clouds don't last forever.