I didn’t really expect I would ever join a forum like this, but here I am. I hope you’re all doing okay today.
My (23F) beautiful twin sister (23F) found out she has early skin cancer. She had it cut out but it’s still there, and now she has started treatments. The problem is … no one cares. Our friends don’t ever check on her at all. I have to prompt my friends to ask if she’s doing okay. She’s not.
One of the first things they did was make a joke about her dying young, laughing about how “out of pocket” (dark humoured) they could be about it.
I shouldn’t have to ASK her friends to check on her. She is genuinely struggling and even mentions that she cares more about the fact that they don’t care about her more than the cancer.
She just spent the day comforting one of them because they didn’t get a big birthday surprise … they haven’t even asked how her treatment is going.
How do I support her? I’m so angry and upset. How can people be so selfish? She is my twin and best friend. I don’t want her to suffer anymore.
Thanks for taking the time to read this, everyone.
Hi LilyPily, so sorry about your sister and her diagnosis. Hopefully the treatment will work for her. I think a lot of us on this forum can relate to those friends who don’t seem to care. I know I had people stand by me that I never expected to and others who just couldn’t face it. You just have to let go of those who aren’t interested. It’s so painful but your sister will find out who her true friends are. What a blessing you are to her🙏💕. Linda G
Facing a scary situation like the one described can be daunting. I know from personal experience. As a 47M, I have had 24 skin cancers (luckily only BBCs and SCCs) surgically removed, and countless others either burnt off (Liquid Nitrogen) or removed using various creams. The toughest part for me was to go through each surgical procedure alone.
Your sister is lucky to have you by her side. Just being there to support her is the best thing you can do. I know that would have helped me as I went through my experiences. Friends come and go, and true friends do not have to be prompted to show how much they care.
You are doing a great job being there for her, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Feel free to reach out if you need.
Keep your chin up ...
Cancer is a shit show, but it can also lead you to your people.
First and foremost YOU be there for your sister, comfort her, lift her up, and if she need space, give her that, just ... care.
The friends may not be cruel, they simply may not have the maturity or tools to deal with it, so go into "I'm a busy ghost" mode because .. well .. gutless, you know ?
Forgivable, but certainly not admirable.
Thing is, pushing and pestering won't help, it'll just get their backs up and make the whole thing worse for everybody. My advice is to talk to her closest friends, remind them that she isn't doing well, and let the rest happen as it happens.
If your sis needs wider support, then you step in and lift her up. Find ways to firstly figure out what she needs, and then get it to her. Maybe she feels isolated and alone .. so you start socialising a bit with her, find little ways to remember that life can still be FUN.
Cancer is a shit show, but it isn't necessarily the end, and even when it is, you still get the chance to colour in those last pages of your life. Don't let hers end in a sad little scribble, take her hand, sit down with her, and figure out how to write the next few pages.
Also - don't project your anger and distress into her life.
She's the person dealing with a profound illness, you kinda need to pull your shit out of that and focus on her. Sure, it can be compassionate and empathic to share her distress, but it can also AMPLIFY her stress, her worry, "dont my friends care about me any more ?"
It can be more complex than that, and at the end of the day - it's a piece of string that if you pull on it, you'll just get to a point where eventually you get poo on your fingers, best to just leave it dangling, there's nothing productive there.
Quietly talk to the friends, and if that doesn't help, roll up your sleeves and get stuck into helping her with her needs. Navigate to new friends, support groups, whatever is required. Maybe just stand up comedyon netflix, who knows ... just find ways to improve her situation and diligently help her with them, if that's in you.
All the best.
Speak to the friends and tell them to wake up. Skin cancer is life-threatening. Tell them to realise this. And for your sister who is so young tell them she needs to feel they care to help her through it. Love helps us to heal.
Young people don't always realise.
So sorry, I do know how you and your dear sister feel, after my bladder cancer diagnosis in December within two months the same happened to me, I’m convinced people think we are contagious, sometimes you just want a friend to show some care, we don’t want people feeling sorry for us, I hope life and health are on the up
I feel for you with your twin sister. I am told the connection between twins is so strong any wonder you feel her pain. I am only connecting with those friends who are able to chat with me about my cancer and letting the rest go. Some people just cannot be there for others in pain. No reflection of your sister, it is their issue. You sound like the best twin sister ever. Take care
Hey i need a friend!
I'm 23 and i have advanced cancer and I'm a female. I am only reaching out here because i saw your post and i am in real need of someone to talk to about it all. It would be nice to have someone who understands that i can message (facetime/call) when I'm with doctors so I don't get too scared. I found out late. So my journey starts here.
I am going through metastatic breast cancer. I was homeless for a while so i neglected my health and disregarded the markers... I'm scared because i am starting treatment late.
I have lost a lot of friends - i lived in a 'commune' for a few years, had a beautiful baby boy who is now kept from me, i am not allowed contact because i am not a 'member' anymore (i left due to the 'evil energy' there) but in order to get out with my life i was forced to leave my son behind. they are now trying to teach him that his 'mother' is not me but the woman who i originally thought was my 'partners' biological mum. now know their connections were incredibly deep and i have had to disconnect from my friends so they dont get trapped like i did.
and now a cancer diagnosis.
its a long, difficult to explain story and i know i need to share it, but i also know i need help and support:
my goal (apart from getting the right treatments) is to create a YouTube channel
blessings, would love to connect with people experiencing the physical pain that comes along with this diagnosis ❤️
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