Well it's been twelve months since my initial diagnosis, one year since I got on the rollercoaster and plunged into the unknown. When the doctor told me I had bone metasteses in just about every bone in my torso plus the top of one of my femurs, and showed me the scans that looked like swiss cheese, I was in such a state of shock I hardly knew what he was saying. It took another week to determine that breast cancer was the cause of all this. Then I had radiation to help deal with some of the pain so that I could walk properly. Then four rounds of AC chemo, the first of which put me in hospital for two weeks with neutropenia. Now I'm on Tamoxifen and painkillers.
I guess that I'm lucky because the lumps in my breast have shrunk(they never bothered to operate, what with the horse having bolted), and my bone scans show no new sites. Then I got a break in my pelvis; more radiation for pain, three to four months to heal. Apart from that, my hair has grown back and looks fabulous, thick and curly. I've been able to keep working, just two days a week instead of full-time. I'm fairly well except for the tiredness. I can't believe how much I sleep now, ten hours a night plus nanna naps several days a week. I'm hoping that once my fracture heals that I can get out and start walking and that will help me be less exhausted.
I know I shouldn't complain when everything's going so well, but the uncertainty of it all gets to me. I'm only 49, this shouldn't have happened to me, at least not until I'm older. I feel cheated and alone. I'm hoping to find someone else with a similar story, someone who has advanced breast cancer and understands what it's like....
It sounds like you have had one heck of a journey so far. I am amazed that you are continuing to work as I am just about to try and get back to work. I found the fatigue from treatment incredibly debilitating and am really suprised that I am suffering from that. Or at least I have been, it is much better now.
I think the uncertainty gets to all of us at some stage or another. Sometimes knowing what we have to deal with is easier, even if it's not such great news. Not sure there is any magical cure for this except to try and live life in between the stressy times.
Hope you are having a good day.
I totally freaked out last week. I was at the doctor's and it happened to be exactly twelve months since my diagnosis. When I mentioned this to him he said "Things were looking pretty grim for you this time last year, we weren't sure whether it would be your last Christmas..." Well, I was stunned. He had been telling me all these positive stories about other patients who had survived 20 years, 30 years and so on, and I had pinned my hopes onto these stories, believing that I would be fine once I had some treatment. My head's still spinning to think that he had actually thought I was so much sicker than he had ever let on. Thank goodness that I didn't know this before now or I don't know how I would ever have come this far. There certainly is a lot to the power of positive thinking.
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.