Question about Anxiety: Fear of a new cancer after reaching survivorship or remission?

[Milo01]

Hello All,

This is mainly a question for anyone who is in remission or survivorship.

How do you deal with the anxiety/fear of being possibly diagnosed with an entirely new cancer, after you have reached remission or survivorship for the one you have just been treated for?

Some context: I have recently finished my chemotherapy about a month ago. And that has put me into remission/survivorship for my cancer diagnosis. But now as I am recovering from chemotherapy and about to start returning to life away from the hospital and the life where I have been focused on only one thing(my treatment), I am starting to get very paranoid about being diagnosed with another cancer. If my breast has a tender spot one day, I wonder if I have cancer again. If a mole looks slightly different, I worry if I have cancer again. It is becoming more frequent in my mind, these thoughts, if I have a twinge or a pain anywhere in my body. Funnily enough, I am not worried about reoccurrence, only entirely new cancers.

I can acknowledge that to get where I am today was challenging and taxing to go through physically, mentally and emotionally. And I am still recovering from it all. And also that I never want to repeat this experience again. So I should go easier on myself. But my mind won’t stop thinking of the worst first.

How have other people dealt with this experience if they had or have it still? I don’t always want my mind to be preoccupied with cancer. Or overly paranoid and stressed all the time about it.

Thank you,

Milo01

[Richard1]

Dealing with life afterwards it tough. I wish I could tell you the secret magic way to forget the past and move forward without that fear constantly pushing you down. For me it’s a constant struggle, for others it’s easy. The days when I feel okay are when I don’t care about anything, but I do not want to live that way because theirs is no joy. Yet when I open myself up, try to be the old me I feel suicidal. It’s a messed up way to live. I guess it’s all about just not giving up, getting through one day at a time. Sorry for the negative feed back, I think it important to be open and honest about these things.

[Milo01]

Dear Richard1,

Please do not apologise about how you honestly feel. I think your post is valid and I appreciate the reply.

 I can’t lie that I too have had suicidal ideation all through my treatment, recovery period and even now I am in surveillance. They come and go and are for me, mostly a response to fear, anxiety and stress all converging at the same time. Not to mention the impact this has had on myself in all ways. I just honestly don’t ever want to do this experience again and am trying to find a new routine in life now.

 I also have good days were I can ignore my anxious thoughts by distraction, but they do come back more intense on days were I haven’t slept well or have a upcoming appointment that could possibly bring more unknown or uncertainty into my life.

 I work out one thing, to only be immediately supplied with something new to have to work out. It is just tiring and hard too, when you are on your own making all the decisions without some type of roadmap. And I often feel I have to hide that from people around me too. Because for them, it is over now. But for me, having had first hand experience of diagnosis,treatment and now surveillance, things are all too very real for me. And I will never forget them.

Perhaps though, it is step by step. And day by day. Some people have pointed out how strong I am for having gone through all of this. And maybe I should acknowledge that, because I genuinely don’t. I don’t think I am anymore special then anyone else. But I did make it out to the other side of this. 

I just never want to do it again,so am so hyper vigilant about it. 

Maybe the fear never goes away. It maybe just how I deal with that fear in the moment I am having it, that I should focus on. Cognitive behavioural therapy or something like that.

Thank you again and I am wishing you well.

Milo01

[Adriana_CCNSW]

Hi Milo01,

Thank you for sharing so openly.

What you are describing is something many people experience after treatment. When the intensity of appointments and chemotherapy eases, there can be more space for the mind to process everything, and it is very common for anxiety to show up in this way.

It also makes a lot of sense that you would want to protect yourself from ever going through this again. Your mind is trying to keep you safe, even if it feels exhausting and overwhelming at times.

Please know that you do not have to navigate those experiences alone. You can call the Cancer Council on 13 11 20 and speak to one of our health professionals to talk about the range of services available to support you.  

Take Care and warm regards, Adriana