Returning to normal

[flight]

My life went on hold when I was being treated for cancer. When the treatment was completed, I believed that my life would recommence where it had stopped. The reality is different. Although active treatment has finished, I continue to live with the physical and emotional repercussions of diagnosis and treatment. Because of this, how do you reach a point where you can say that this experience has ended? I ‘m not sure whether there is a concrete finishing point as such. I do think that things change though. I find it difficult to relate to the “return to normal”(what is normal anyway?). I feel like this implies that my life will go back and return to exactly the way that it was before my cancer diagnosis. There have been so many changes in my life that I feel like I am getting further and further away from my previous life! There has been good and bad changes in my life. Overall though, I feel like I am moving forward in my life. There is more pain and anxiety than ever before. Equally though, life is more rich and fulfilling now. It is the sum of all the good and bad, pleasant and painful experiences that shape, mould and form the person that I am today. Cancer or no cancer, life is not static. Perhaps the experience of cancer heightens one’s awareness of change. I feel like my life is constantly changing. Some changes have been beneficial where others are not. Some days I am more accepting of change than on others. Sometimes I wish that life would stop and let me catch up! I don’t believe that my life will return to the way that it was before I was diagnosed with cancer. I wish to keep moving forward and to live as well as I can. I know that my life will continue to change.

[harker]

Yep.

[irdano]

Flight,I just read your post to my long carer/girlfriend and she asked if i had written it.... Glad to hear i'm not alone in my fears, feelings and frustrations. peace dano

[#4]

Definitely not alone. That’s the beauty of this site… we come to realise that feelings can be discussed and shared without any qualms. I have known the fears, the frustration, the wondering... it does ease over time. And Yes, the experience of cancer initiates personal change..some good.. and some... not so good. Reindeer P.S. Great photo Dano

[matsy]

Thanks for all the posts. Sometimes I have conveniently forgotten that THAT "past" is still right here with us....riding the see-saw of what is convenient, what I prefer, lessons I have learnt, beauty fate has granted me.... thank you for the reminder to live in the present, and breathe, breathe

[#6]

As you so accuratley said "Perhaps the experience of cancer heightens one’s awareness of change. I feel like my life is constantly changing.", this is so true and I feel the same. The emotional roller-coaster of change, whether it is for good or bad, we have to take it all because that is what LIFE is made of "change". It's forever changing and never ending! Going with the changes and not looking back is the best medicine around! If I took away the actual cancer itself, I would have to say that the changes that have happened in my life since being diagnosed, have served a strange purpose and opened my eyes and heart in a way that nothing else could have. I am glad that I have changed and that I am not the same person I was before. I am not as worried about the little mundane things in life, I have more time for my family and friends, I love each day to the full and I am taking allot more care of my body. I relate to so much of what you said. Your right on the ball. It's a comfort to know that others are feeling the same. Thank you for your post. MelH

[Gigi]

Enjoy every moment! I've started my own blog www.gisellekapp@blogspot.com. I completely understand what everyone is going through. I'm mentally tougher than ever before and constantly changing in that I don't put up with the 'noise' that often surrounds us. I remember before I went in to have my right lung removed, my husband said to me as he gave me one memorable kiss "remember ... don't look down ... don't look back ... I'll see you in a few hours!". It is what it is .... and enjoy every moment. I don't think any of us are the same people as what we were pre diagnosis. Cancer changers your life! For me, the mere fact of letting people take care of me was a challenge. Cancer makes us ask ourselves "who are we, who are we meant to be, what are we meant to be doing" ..... this I believe is the point you are forced to meet yourself! Do you know who you are? gg

[Gigi]

Enjoy every moment! I've started my own blog www.gisellekapp@blogspot.com. I completely understand what everyone is going through. I'm mentally tougher than ever before and constantly changing in that I don't put up with the 'noise' that often surrounds us. I remember before I went in to have my right lung removed, my husband said to me as he gave me one memorable kiss "remember ... don't look down ... don't look back ... I'll see you in a few hours!". It is what it is .... and enjoy every moment. I don't think any of us are the same people as what we were pre diagnosis. Cancer changers your life! For me, the mere fact of letting people take care of me was a challenge. Cancer makes us ask ourselves "who are we, who are we meant to be, what are we meant to be doing" ..... this I believe is the point you are forced to meet yourself! Do you know who you are? Gigi

[AmandaC]

So true life really does change for ever, once we sift through the pain, anguish...loss of innoscence. We rebuild! my life now (4 years post cancer) is becoming just what I want it to be. I am not the person I was before, but I much prefer this version of me. I must say though I do find it hard to ignore those that appreciate nothing, our lives if you ask me become much fuller/richer post "C". We survivors know how precious each moment is and tend to make the most of everything. We can only look forward, returning to normal as such will not happen. Redefining our normal does happen and through this we open our hearts up to the world through new eyes. Amanda XX

[#10]

I think that once you have had cancer, you never return to "normal" as you used to know it. In my case, that was a very good thing! My previous life was too stressful and full of wanting to make everyone else happy, with no appreciation for how much better it could be and how much happier I could be. I am definitely a much more courageous and positive person now than at any point in my life. I don't let the small things get to me (at least not too often!) and I have taken risks and made changes that I never would have dared to before. My life is SO much better now that I can understand why some people call cancer a "gift". It's true that cancer is both the worst thing and the best thing that could happen to you. It's the worst thing for all the obvious reasons, but it's the best thing when you really take a long hard look at life and make the changes that make you a happier/better person. None of us ever know how much time we have on this planet. Everyone should view their life in that manner. Think how much nicer the entire world could be! Love and best wishes to all my "fellow warriors"! Fight the good fight and then live a great life! KathyKate