TJ – I apologies for not replying sooner, its school holidays and I have all 3 kids (as you would well know) it’s a constant juggle and I get no computer time. Our kids are 5, 2 and 4 weeks old. I agree we don’t have to be ashamed of our scar it’s a battle wound. Its amazing we cancer survivors get treated so badly. People treated me like they could catch it and some treated me as if I must have been a bad person and deserved it. My pet hate is when people say “its gods will” I swear if I had herd that one more time I would have stuck a blunt object in someone’s eye…LOL! There are a lot of studies being done and books being written about the links between childhood trauma and disease. A friend I have met on this journey wrote a great book called “goodbye mummy” and its about her childhood and her later discovery that her childhood trauma could infact be linked with her disease, I cried the whole way through thinking I could really relate to her. I am so sorry to hear that you lost your mum and brother and that you spent your life in the system. Your Dad sounds like he can’t take care of himself let alone anyone else, my mum is very similar. I came form a single parent family and when I was sick she was no where to be found, anytime I saw her she would crap on about how she has had a hard time looking for work lately (she moved to the blue mountains, of course its hard it small). The rest of my extended family dumped me and still do not talk to me and justify it to themselves in whatever way self absorbed people do. I had just had my first baby at the time and he really gave me focus all I kept thinking is this little guy needs his mum and I am going to make sure his life is amazing. We had been trying to have another bubba when we found out Steve had cancer, so when his chemo finished we did IVF and along came our 2nd son I think he really helped both of us in the healing process. Lastly our 3rd son was the baby we were never ment to have, we were told we could never have another baby naturally again a month later I found out I was pregnant. I guess what I am trying to say is our children really are a great distraction and in our darkest times our drive to keep moving forward. I feel so incredibly sad hearing that your partner left and that you have 3 beautiful children at home wondering what mummy is up to. As a mummy myself I can’t imagine leaving my children ever, we can leave partners but children are forever. It really does say more about who she is and how incredibly strong and amazing you are. You deserve to start your new life for both you and the kids, you don’t need toxicity in your life. This is it, today is a new day and each day only gets better and better. SILLY I am sorry to hear your family were not supportive, especially when there is so many siblings you would expect at least one of them to pull their socks up. I go to the point where I didn’t care if I made people uncomfortable, I would be very blunt about where I was at. But it was always really hard work juggle who was who and where each of them was at with my illness I became reclusive in the end. Sarah Thankyou for sharing your story and I to have explored (a lot) the idea of childhood trauma contributing to disease. There are studies being done, infact my husband and I participated in one not long ago. I agree people misconstrue the idea of trauma contributing to be “ANGER” really its not about anger at all. In saying that I do hold a lot of anger towards my family for all the wrong doing this started at the age of 4yo…well form my recollections. I was much more scared and alone as a helpless child in a very abusive environment than I was through the cancer journey. I have done a lot of work and seen a psychologist to help me work through the anger and issues. Your post was incredibly profound it really hit the nail on the head. It is amazing we live in this world where its all about stuff and appearances, we constantly find new ways to exclude others or rate our selves higher than others. Our self cherishing has become so sociably acceptable that we can justify being awful to the sick and those in need of our understanding. You are so right about people being completely disconnected and relationships are only skin deep, how incredibly sad they wander through life without a sense of really sharing life with someone. Well I am off to lye down, the bubba has been up most of the night and I am exhausted. XX to all ... View more

TJ – My husband would be really happy to know this thread is still going strong and helping people connect with those who have been through the same thing. When he wrote this we were in the thick of our darkest days and to know we were not alone was such an amazing feeling. I also did the online support group and met (online chat) some amazing people, we shared our darkest fears, our good days and bad and I really believe it was pivotal in my healing process. Everyone always assumes our healing is the physical only the emotional stuff takes so much longer. I am lucky my scar is now very faint although people still ask what happened to my neck occasionally, which is incredibly rude but hey I have learned most peoples manners are not what they should be. My husband however has a scar from his chest all the way down to his pelvis and I know he never wants to be without his shirt. So I can only imagine how hard it is for you to bare your scars so openly and people never stop to think about how or why you may have these scars XX As for your ex partner she is immature also she did not just leave you but also her children, really doesn’t say much for her state of mind. She only runs you down to feel better as you say, there is no merit to her actions. I believe in karma she is digging a deep hole there. I always say the best revenge is being the best we can be, you are doing that. Your kids are so lucky to have you . Mum really spent her time ignoring that I existed. I had just had my first baby at the time so I felt really sad that no one was paying attention to our son as well. It really does bring out the best and worst in people, I am glad I know now though because I am now filling my life with real relationships. By that I mean I am not interested in good time friends, I do have some but they remain acquaintances and those I share myself with are those who will be there no matter what. It takes years for our bodies to recover from treatment, I remember 2 years post RAI I woke up and my hair was finally thickening up. It had gotten so thin and scraggly and there was nothing I could do. Sadly with my type of cancer I put on about 20kgs…with that comes some serious self image issues as well. I want to tell you that we do get back to normal, our scars do fade and we are left with the incredible human beings that we have become. We are strong, caring, courageous and best of all we have been blessed with the gift of living for today knowing full well every minute counts. Hope you had a better day today, it is only uphill from here for you XX ... View more

TJ - just noticed your a single father of 3, you have your hands full. We have just had our 3rd bubba despite being toold by fertility specialist we could not have kids naturally after my husbands cancer (my husband is SteveC). Its a juggle and a half, how incredibly lucky they are to have a dad that adores them and how lucky you are to have your 3 kids keeping you strong XX ... View more

TJ - just noticed your a single father of 3, you have your hands full. We have just had our 3rd bubba despite being toold by fertility specialist we could not have kids naturally after my husbands cancer (my husband is SteveC). Its a juggle and a half, how incredibly lucky they are to have a dad that adores them and how lucky you are to have your 3 kids keeping you strong XX ... View more

RachelC – I to have experienced the whole pointless apology after lack of support from both family and friends. Sadly it feels hollow and your right those relationships change forever. Bindy – OMG! I can’t believe the mothers at school were so insensitive, they of all people should know how precious our human life is. As a school mum of a kindy kid I always reach out to those who are unwell or in need. You are an amazing woman XX TJ – I just want to give you a big hug, I can see from your picture that you have a son/daughter I know my first son kept me going when I was sick they are incredibly intuitive. In really don’t know what to say your partner does not deserve you it seems you are way to good for him/her. As for the good time friends its amazing how much we don’t notice them until we are in need, I realise how superficial my relationships must have been. No one called, no one wanted to know or asked how I was going and worst of all I was totally ignored. That 1 friend who speaks to you is a true friend which is great, you know who they are now. It has taken me 5 years to rebuild relationships by that I mean start new friendships and re-kindle a few old ones, I have never bothered with those that let me down when I was sick except a few family members. But those relationships will never be the same, what is done can never be undone I know who they truly are now so everything is on the surface if you know what I mean. This is a great place to talk to other survivors, a great place for healing. There is a wonderful online support group it helped me so much when I was in need, you should check it out XX CarlC – it is amazing how much we take things like eating and talking for granted, how incredibly rude people can be. We live in a face paced anxiety filled society and everything needs to be now. Thankyou for posting this it has reminded me how important it is to be aware of others, I think we sometimes forget especially as time goes on. Those of us who have very little Physical scars forget about those who do, thankyou again XX ... View more

Hey Rodney, My favourite line was from my MIL who said I was just lucky my husband is good enough to stick around 😮 our first son was only a few months old at the time. People are a**holes well that’s my theory…LOL! Hi Sarah, There really is not a lot of help out there especially for young adults with cancer, I found the online chat on this website was great. We were all a little more honest with each other than we would have been in person and really supportive of one another. The good news is the first step is taking it into your own hands, the situation doesn’t change what changes is the way you feel about it. Lets face it that is the most important thing of all; stress and loneliness tend to make our road to recovery take longer. First of all I would like to say how great it is that you have found this thread, while it gives only a little support and venting I think it makes all the difference. My husband wrote this a few years ago and we were really struggling to keep our heads above water. We took a lot of steps to make ourselves feel better about the situation. I can’t undo my family disowning me, or the fact that we moved towns and had no one to rely on. I won’t lie I have not forgotten what a hindrance it was to my recovery and my husbands recovery. What has changed though is our view of the importance of these people who in our hours of need showed their true colours. We have learned that what happened is not our fault and that their own self grasping ignorance is responsible for their actions, at the end of the day we reap what we sew and for their sake I hope they start sewing better seeds or they are in real trouble. My husband and I are about to have our 3rd child in about 6 weeks and our lives are full of love and laughter (and sibling rivalry), we have come a long way and in some ways its all thanks to others ignorance. We had to fight hard to get to where we are, but the veil is off we will never view the world through self grasping eyes again. You are all amazing; you have faced mortality while others hinder you. This takes true strength and determination, all I can say is it does get easier and soon these people will be mere memories of past tense. Amanda XX ... View more

Hi Petunia, Welcome to the site! there was a lovely lady on here previously who has had the same experience after surviving 3 previous bouts of breast cancer and another type of cancer in childhood, but alas she is no longer on the site. There are also other ladies on here who have had breast cancer and the cancer council I believe have information available as well. Best of luck in your quest for information and hope to see you on the site for a chat :) Amanda XX ... View more

So true life really does change for ever, once we sift through the pain, anguish...loss of innoscence. We rebuild! my life now (4 years post cancer) is becoming just what I want it to be. I am not the person I was before, but I much prefer this version of me. I must say though I do find it hard to ignore those that appreciate nothing, our lives if you ask me become much fuller/richer post "C". We survivors know how precious each moment is and tend to make the most of everything. We can only look forward, returning to normal as such will not happen. Redefining our normal does happen and through this we open our hearts up to the world through new eyes. Amanda XX ... View more

hey maddie, I to went through this with my husband, we at the time had a 2 1/2 year old son. All I could think of is how can I get through this...what do I tell my son. We were actually told at xmas that my husbands cancer was very bad and he needed an op within the next week if we didn't end up in emergency before that. We did not know if it was operable I just had to use everything I ahd to be positive. By the time he got onto chemo we were told he was within weeks of loosing his life, I could not breath...but I knew he never listened to what they said and he also was very upbeat. 2 years later my husband is in remission and doing well, we have had another child through IVF and have just found out we are pregnant naturally with our 3rd. My point is there is great power in our attitude towards our illness, nothing is impossible. Stay positive and focus all of your energy on getting your boyfriend better. ... View more

Hey maddie, I am bot a survivor and partner of a survivor and I to have been through this with my friends. I know you feel hurt and angry, but young people tend to be both frightened and unsure of what to do or say in this situation. Its not a reflection on you, but a reflection on their inability to cope with the adult concept of serious illness. I can't tell you how long its has taken me to get over people doing it to my hubsand and myself, I will say I no longer bother with those people. Sometimes letting those around you understand how distressed you are and even what you and your bf need from them to survive helps. Cancer brings out both the best and worst in people. I know there are alot of groups for partners/carers of patients and it may be worth you looking into that. I found looking after my husband 10 times more stressful than going through my cancer because you do need to give anything you have to your partner to keep them upbeat. This is also a great place for support, I hope you can find some support in your friend when you tell her how you feel. Its great to have people to talk to especially on the bad days. Amanda XX ... View more