Hey Jules2, My story is somewhat different to yours and in some ways so similar. The biggest thing is my son was 2 months old when I was diagnosed with papillary thyroid carcenoma and my world was turned upside down especially being a new mum on top of it all. I couldn't look at my husband for weeks because I had some strange notion I had failed as a mum, you'd think I would have been thinking about up and coming operations and treatment but my mind was stuck in this mode. I kept telling myself I had to survive because I did not want my mum or MIL to bring up my son, my mnatra became "I wnat to live to see my children's, children grow". I am luckey, I am 3 years out and doing well. Although my world was rocked when my husband was diagnosed with testicular cancer when our son was 2...I was like I wnat to gte off this ride. Both of us had alot of run arounds and misdiagnosis, but fortunately in the end they worked it out before it was to late. Your right the positive lesson; however hard they were learned, and more than the negative and we get to start again. Hope all is well with you and yours, 21 years ago you've done well :) Amanda XX ... View more

Hey Missy moo, Misy Moo was my nickname as a kid :) Just wanted to tell you that what you are feeling is so normal, there is no time frame for when you should suddenly work out what to do and how you feel. It takes time, alot of work and support. After 3 years I am just coming to terms with it all and working out who I am and what I want again. I have found seeing a psychologist is a great help, sometimes we have so much going on we struggle to sort through what we need to sort through. best of luck XX Amanda ... View more

hey Versaillon, Just wanted to saya sympathise with you. When I was sick (cancer) I had a new baby and could barley get out of bed yet I was still expected to do everything. Then my husband got sick (cancer)and my MIL decided to come and stay, she sat around crying that her son was dying while my husband ran around and cleaned and cooked and made her tea. She couldn't (even though she was home all day) even go and pick up our son once from care when I had to work long hours to make enough money to pay our bills. This is the time when people tend to show their true colours, I do admit though I have recently learned sometimes you ahve to ask for help and tell people where your at. I hope things get better for you soon and try to remeber your emoitions are heightend because you are under alot of stress. XXHugs Amanda ... View more

Hey Jo, Thanks you for your response. Its interesting that your therapist helped you with acceptance and in turn forgiveness, I am currently seeing a psych who is guiding me to the same place. I do have alot of built up anger and certainly my husband and I (both in remission) have experienced our fair share of hurt and in turn anger so I do agree that there is something to the whole anger and cancer thing. I have also been exploring eastern philosophy to guide me in the right direction, you are so right that we have high expectations that when our life is on the line those who have wronged will right for a change. Loralee's book is now for sale, she has unfortunately been diagnosed for the 4th time recently and I am sure would love to know you are interested in her book and story. thanka again XX Amanda ... View more

Hi Bev, Just wanted to say congrats to you and your family. What a special time for you all and you have 3 beautiful babies to nuture. Thanks for sharing your great news. XX Amanda ... View more

I think we all have that feeling of displacement after our cancer experience. While we are having treatemnt and in hospital we are in survival mode and we are being nurtured. Then when treatement is over everyone expects our lives go back to normal. I read somewhere on this site someone used the analogy of a soldier returning form war and the struggle to reassimilate after all they have seen and done. We are in a way similiar to this, changed forever...our innocence lost. I will say with time it gets easier and you will create a new normal, I now love the new me better than the old me :) Best of luck with the wait XX Amanda ... View more

This is cliche but time heals all wounds. I am now 3 years out, I still have 2 monthly BT but I now find myself forgetting them all the time...I know its so bad. The longer i go without complications the better i feel about it all, I do however find that situations set off my anxiety of return. My cancer was diagnosed when my son was a few months old, I knew I was possibly sick in pregancy. I just had my 2nd bubba 6 months ago and found the anxiety during pregnancy was unbareable. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to go through the motions, this is not a little thing we all went through its big...its only normal to fear facing our mortality. XX Amanda ... View more

Ruby, I was on maternity leave when I had treatment, then moved towns and then went back to work 2 months later. I thought keeping my mind active and moving forward would be the key to getting over it. I to suffered terrible fatigue and found myself getting sick and run down all the time, so I started family day care at home to spend time with my son (now almost 4yo) and only did 3 days a week. I still find myself tired all the time, I have now spent the last 4 months trying to relax, rest and get back on track. Mind you I have just had my 2nd baby so I imagine he didn't help with the fatigue..lOL! My husband on the other hand had chemo only 1 1/2 years ago, he is the healthiest he has felt in a long time. He never gets sick! He is a little sleep deprived form the kids but that is it.Maybe it depends on the type of treatment and the type of cancer...who knows. I have been seeing a naturopath and am on zinc and a few other things, I also see an osteopath and do heaps of yoga. I am finally finding my way through the fatigue and constant illness. My advice is to work on your immune system and overall health and things will start to get to a better place. Best of luck Amanda ... View more

Welcome Reindeer :) I to am a survivor and totally understand what you mean when you speak of the rollercoaster we survivors experience. BTW I know heaps of people that don't have computers at home, to be honest I am a slave to technology at times it would be a welcome change. Look forward to getting to know you! Amanda ... View more

Oh Donnai, I really feel for you it is just so so hard to deal with. I imagine you are still in alot of shock. 2 years later my husband and I still feel devistated about my FIL he went so quickly and so unexpectedly we just were not ready. But to be honest I dont; think we can ever be ready to watch someones last breath especially our loved ones. I will say it does get easier with time, you will have good days and bad. Like Reindeer when we talk about my FIL we have a range of emotions from tears to laughter, usually at how bad his jokes were or his quirky ways. give yourself time and try not to hold it all in, express yourself its good to go through the process and move forward in a positive way. XX Amanda ... View more