Hi Emily Thanks for replying, sometimes that's all we need isn't it, knowing that someone somewhere can hear you. And sorry for my delay, I was waiting for a private moment. I had counselling right throughout my husband's treatment and for a while after too (maybe about a year). I had so many other issues that came with my can of worms, and I guess the cancer scenario just forced it all out! I always felt a bit guilty that I was milking all this and I wasn't even the one who was sick. I guess it just affects all people differently. I may return for more counselling some time because as you mentioned, perhaps I still haven't fully processed it. I did get some respite over time, as is promised by others who share this journey. I hope you have found this too. Thank you again for your words, it really did help. Hope you are going along ok, let us know how your milestone goes! Sending hugs too, Matsy. ... View more

Dear Prevailing Where you are right now is one of the most difficult times ever, and I admire your will to keep battling it out. Being the carer is recognised as more difficult than being the patient: especially as women, we care for others our whole lives, yet it feels like it's just thrown back in your face. We do everything we possibly can but it still won't fix the problem (especially ultimately) - that is a very hard thing to swallow. I really feel for you and your disappointing birthday - that hurts so much. When my husband was at the peak of his treatment, it was the worst time in our relationship. I felt we should have been treasuring time but we just could not meet in the middle. Much like you, I was trying to care and he was just turning his back. In a little while, you will be able to see that your husband's anger includes feeling angry about not being able to be there for you, the person he loves most, and being powerless in the face of it (much like what brickbt said). The source of his anger is his love. What I would recommend for now is that you focus on yourself a little more: posting to this forum was a great start. Acknowledge that your position is as difficult as your husband's. Get, take or buy whatever support and love you can (it was me, not my husband who had 2 years of counselling, and a weekly massage!) Later on you will realise that you have your path and your husband has his. You can care for him by quietly going about your business, and allowing him space for his anger. The fact that he is taking it out on you is really unfair and hurtful, which is why you must take measures to seek support from sources other than him. I hope this helps a little, please don't be shy to keep asking on this forum, it is a great place to get some support. I for one am thinking of you - I lost some sleep last night hoping you would be ok!! :) ... View more

Dear Prevailing Where you are right now is one of the most difficult times ever, and I admire your will to keep battling it out. Being the carer is recognised as more difficult than being the patient: especially as women, we care for others our whole lives, yet it feels like it's just thrown back in your face. We do everything we possibly can but it still won't fix the problem (especially ultimately) - that is a very hard thing to swallow. I really feel for you and your disappointing birthday - that hurts so much. When my husband was at the peak of his treatment, it was the worst time in our relationship. I felt we should have been treasuring time but we just could not meet in the middle. Much like you, I was trying to care and he was just turning his back. In a little while, you will be able to see that your husband's anger includes feeling angry about not being able to be there for you, the person he loves most, and being powerless in the face of it (much like what brickbt said). The source of his anger is his love. What I would recommend for now is that you focus on yourself a little more: posting to this forum was a great start. Acknowledge that your position is as difficult as your husband's. Get, take or buy whatever support and love you can (it was me, not my husband who had 2 years of counselling, and a weekly massage!) Later on you will realise that you have your path and your husband has his. You can care for him by quietly going about your business, and allowing him space for his anger. The fact that he is taking it out on you is really unfair and hurtful, which is why you must take measures to seek support from sources other than him. I hope this helps a little, please don't be shy to keep asking on this forum, it is a great place to get some support. I for one am thinking of you - I lost some sleep last night hoping you would be ok!! :) ... View more

Thanks so much for your good wishes. Every little bit helps! The test results were good, breathing a (big) sigh of relief. Is it true that his immunity will never be the same, that he can expect to be on antibiotics any time there's a lurking bug like this time? He's on his 2nd round to try & clear it. Wish I knew what was going on! Thanks again. ... View more

Thanks alot It's great getting support from this site! We are in the process of getting test results (I should've said!), but I am pacing around until then. I just feel I never learned the lesson about "accepting uncertainty"! ... View more

Rowe's book was very pertinent to me personally, so I can imagine it not suiting everyone. But there's still a chance it would be perfect for a few people. (Sarah, I was reminded of this when I read your words 'vendetta' in your other post!) So not 'essential' reading but I put it out there just in case... Cheers everyone ... View more

Hi everyone Just to add on: great to see sharing and support here! I think what is common to us is the seeking of & getting support on this forum. Good on us all for getting online and having a shot. I share that experience of being shocked twice round when family and friends turn their back on you. The very people you thought would be there! And the added weight of a toddler to deal with. Not fun. What made it worse for me was hearing all those other cancer stories about people having wonderful support from their families and how much it helped them. Salt into the wound! So here's a pat on the back to us lot...we struggle on and our efforts are mighty. I know we have strayed off topic a bit but I'd like to say keep posting, Richard - there are lots of people out there for you, it's just the timing. ... View more

Thanks Jimf Yes, time to get out Siddhartha - I think I was too young the last attempt. And I will definitely check out the Becker one. I feel confident about trusting all you guys! Any more??? ... View more