Dear Prevailing
Where you are right now is one of the most difficult times ever, and I admire your will to keep battling it out.
Being the carer is recognised as more difficult than being the patient: especially as women, we care for others our whole lives, yet it feels like it's just thrown back in your face. We do everything we possibly can but it still won't fix the problem (especially ultimately) - that is a very hard thing to swallow.
I really feel for you and your disappointing birthday - that hurts so much. When my husband was at the peak of his treatment, it was the worst time in our relationship. I felt we should have been treasuring time but we just could not meet in the middle. Much like you, I was trying to care and he was just turning his back.
In a little while, you will be able to see that your husband's anger includes feeling angry about not being able to be there for you, the person he loves most, and being powerless in the face of it (much like what brickbt said). The source of his anger is his love.
What I would recommend for now is that you focus on yourself a little more: posting to this forum was a great start. Acknowledge that your position is as difficult as your husband's. Get, take or buy whatever support and love you can (it was me, not my husband who had 2 years of counselling, and a weekly massage!) Later on you will realise that you have your path and your husband has his. You can care for him by quietly going about your business, and allowing him space for his anger. The fact that he is taking it out on you is really unfair and hurtful, which is why you must take measures to seek support from sources other than him.
I hope this helps a little, please don't be shy to keep asking on this forum, it is a great place to get some support. I for one am thinking of you - I lost some sleep last night hoping you would be ok!! :)
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