Loneliness is worse than cancer......

[ashes]

Since being diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma in 2009, I have endured chemo, radiation, bone marrow transplant, huge daily doses of pain killers, several surgeries and have kept as focused and positive as possible. Before diagnosis I was dealing with post traumatic stress from several life changing injuries in the NSW Police. I was medically discharged and despite constantly reaching out to people, have lost contact with most of my family and friends. For unknown reasons, most of the people in my life have abandoned me. My marriage was all but over before the cancer and now I am just seen as an inconvenience with no real support and no love. I am a normal person with many life skills, talents and abilities. I don't have a mental illness or gross physical characteristic that would force people to keep away. I am not an angry person. I am kind and gentle and decent. My life is Groundhog Day, with most of it spent in bed due to severe pain and debilitating fatigue. When I do get up to take pills I have to lay down soon after. I never get any calls or visitors. I send people emails, and letters and when I do get replies, all the right words are there but no actions. It seems that out of sight is out of mind for people. I have been on this and other forums for years as well. Still the same result. I am desperately lonely and unhappy. The fact that my last times on earth are spent like this is horrible and being alone even without cancer is bad enough but when I get no support or contact with anyone except my dog, I pray to be taken quickly. I am scared that my remaining strength will fade and although I could never take my own life, I also cant deal with the loneliness any longer. I would love to hear from others who are in the same position as me with cancer and feel abandoned by people in their lives. I just need someone to talk to or talk with. I hate to admit this but I just called LifeLine to talk to anyone, and after 20 minutes I was told that because I wouldn't take my own life and wasn't 'suicidal', that there was nothing they could do for me. I was told to speak to my doctor. They ended the call. No empathy. Nothing. I swear this is true. Only a dying person can understand what it is like to deal with it all so I am also here to listen to others as well.

[CaptainAustrali]

Hey there, Ashes Having been around the mulberry bush a few times, I do know that people with true heart .. the real stayers, the ones who are there for you thick and thin, are extremely rare. People pretend it, all the time. The make the sounds of love & fidelity. But yes, it's no surprise that people can fall by the wayside when you're hit by hard times. In many cases, it's not even a mean-ness of spirit .. it's more of an awkwardness. (Or at least that's a nicer excuse), "Oh, she's suffering so much, I don't know what to *DO* or to *SAY*" (When in reality, all that you really need to do is BE there. Being there matters) Me, I'm lucky, no abandonment - in fact, the opposite .. but I'm the kind of person that doesn't nourish acquaintances, I only put time and energy into full-blown friendships, and I've made good or lucky choices. What I'd suggest is - you need someone in your life. (Hell, even if it's just a cat, that might help). You sound in dire need of emotional support and nourishment. You could look at professional help for depression & isolation, but personally what I'd do is choose a place you like and spend a lot of time there (example, local library). Read, if reading gives you pleasure. And if you make eye contact with someone, start to chat .. take it back to the natural basics. And if a connection forms, let them know about your cancer, your loneliness, but don't be .. well, you know .. overly clingy. A friendship that forms in a dark time is so much better & more inspiring and nourishing than a false friendship that abandons you on a dark day. Anyway, there are decent and kind people out there, I suggest you find one or two and form a circle of friends. Sure, there are cancer support groups and stuff you could connect with .... ... but .. that doesn't quite sound to me like what you need. You just need a friend. Anyway, like any success in life, it's trial and error, right ? Sounds like you have skills and instincts, revive them. When you meet people, just look in the eyes, you'll be able to tell if they're a goodun or not. If I were sitting on a park bench watching my kids play and a stranger came and sat next to me and said "Hi, I'm sorry to bother you .. I just .. I'm lonely and I really need a friend" .. I like to think that after sizing them up a bit, I'd invite them home to dinner. There's good people out there. Don't give up, you can make new connections and find the nourishment you need. Where there's life, there's hope.

[CaptainAustrali]

Hey there, Ashes Having been around the mulberry bush a few times, I do know that people with true heart .. the real stayers, the ones who are there for you thick and thin, are extremely rare. People pretend it, all the time. The make the sounds of love & fidelity. But yes, it's no surprise that people can fall by the wayside when you're hit by hard times. In many cases, it's not even a mean-ness of spirit .. it's more of an awkwardness. (Or at least that's a nicer excuse), "Oh, she's suffering so much, I don't know what to *DO* or to *SAY*" (When in reality, all that you really need to do is BE there. Being there matters) Me, I'm lucky, no abandonment - in fact, the opposite .. but I'm the kind of person that doesn't nourish acquaintances, I only put time and energy into full-blown friendships, and I've made good or lucky choices. What I'd suggest is - you need someone in your life. (Hell, even if it's just a cat, that might help). You sound in dire need of emotional support and nourishment. You could look at professional help for depression & isolation, but personally what I'd do is choose a place you like and spend a lot of time there (example, local library). Read, if reading gives you pleasure. And if you make eye contact with someone, start to chat .. take it back to the natural basics. And if a connection forms, let them know about your cancer, your loneliness, but don't be .. well, you know .. overly clingy. A friendship that forms in a dark time is so much better & more inspiring and nourishing than a false friendship that abandons you on a dark day. Anyway, there are decent and kind people out there, I suggest you find one or two and form a circle of friends. Sure, there are cancer support groups and stuff you could connect with .... ... but .. that doesn't quite sound to me like what you need. You just need a friend. Anyway, like any success in life, it's trial and error, right ? Sounds like you have skills and instincts, revive them. When you meet people, just look in the eyes, you'll be able to tell if they're a goodun or not. If I were sitting on a park bench watching my kids play and a stranger came and sat next to me and said "Hi, I'm sorry to bother you .. I just .. I'm lonely and I really need a friend" .. I like to think that after sizing them up a bit, I'd invite them home to dinner. There's good people out there. Don't give up, you can make new connections and find the nourishment you need. Where there's life, there's hope.

[CaptainAustrali]

Hey there, Ashes How have 1600+ people looked at this post, but nobody responded. It lends substance to your concern that a lot of people just don't seem to care (or find it too hard). Having been around the mulberry bush a few times, I do know that people with true heart .. the real stayers, the ones who are there for you thick and thin, are extremely rare. People pretend it, all the time. The make the sounds of love & fidelity. But yes, it's no surprise that people can fall by the wayside when you're hit by hard times. In many cases, it's not even a mean-ness of spirit .. it's more of an awkwardness. (Or at least that's a nicer excuse), "Oh, she's suffering so much, I don't know what to *DO* or to *SAY*" (When in reality, all that you really need to do is BE there. Being there matters) Me, I'm lucky, no abandonment - in fact, the opposite .. but I'm the kind of person that doesn't nourish acquaintances, I only put time and energy into full-blown friendships, and I've made good or lucky choices. What I'd suggest is - you need someone in your life. (Hell, even if it's just a cat, that might help). You sound in dire need of emotional support and nourishment. You could look at professional help for depression & isolation, but personally what I'd do is choose a place you like and spend a lot of time there (example, local library). Read, if reading gives you pleasure. And if you make eye contact with someone, start to chat .. take it back to the natural basics. And if a connection forms, let them know about your cancer, your loneliness, but don't be .. well, you know .. overly clingy. A friendship that forms in a dark time is so much better & more inspiring and nourishing than a false friendship that abandons you on a dark day. Anyway, there are decent and kind people out there, I suggest you find one or two and form a circle of friends. Sure, there are cancer support groups and stuff you could connect with .... ... but .. that doesn't quite sound to me like what you need. You just need a friend. Anyway, like any success in life, it's trial and error, right ? Sounds like you have skills and instincts, revive them. When you meet people, just look in the eyes, you'll be able to tell if they're a goodun or not. If I were sitting on a park bench watching my kids play and a stranger came and sat next to me and said "Hi, I'm sorry to bother you .. I just .. I'm lonely and I really need a friend" .. I like to think that after sizing them up a bit, I'd invite them home to dinner. There's good people out there. Don't give up, you can make new connections and find the nourishment you need. Where there's life, there's hope.