Since being diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma in 2009, I have endured chemo, radiation, bone marrow transplant, huge daily doses of pain killers, several surgeries and have kept as focused and positive as possible.
Before diagnosis I was dealing with post traumatic stress from several life changing injuries in the NSW Police. I was medically discharged and despite constantly reaching out to people, have lost contact with most of my family and friends. For unknown reasons, most of the people in my life have abandoned me. My marriage was all but over before the cancer and now I am just seen as an inconvenience with no real support and no love.
I am a normal person with many life skills, talents and abilities. I don't have a mental illness or gross physical characteristic that would force people to keep away. I am not an angry person. I am kind and gentle and decent.
My life is Groundhog Day, with most of it spent in bed due to severe pain and debilitating fatigue. When I do get up to take pills I have to lay down soon after. I never get any calls or visitors. I send people emails, and letters and when I do get replies, all the right words are there but no actions. It seems that out of sight is out of mind for people. I have been on this and other forums for years as well. Still the same result.
I am desperately lonely and unhappy. The fact that my last times on earth are spent like this is horrible and being alone even without cancer is bad enough but when I get no support or contact with anyone except my dog, I pray to be taken quickly.
I am scared that my remaining strength will fade and although I could never take my own life, I also cant deal with the loneliness any longer.
I would love to hear from others who are in the same position as me with cancer and feel abandoned by people in their lives.
I just need someone to talk to or talk with. I hate to admit this but I just called LifeLine to talk to anyone, and after 20 minutes I was told that because I wouldn't take my own life and wasn't 'suicidal', that there was nothing they could do for me. I was told to speak to my doctor. They ended the call. No empathy. Nothing. I swear this is true.
Only a dying person can understand what it is like to deal with it all so I am also here to listen to others as well.
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