Dear Daddys Girl I feel your pain and your stress. You are put into this horrible position through no fault of your own. My only advice to you is to keep doing what you are doing. It will be over soon enough and you wont have to then deal with the guilt of not being there for him at the end. Your future peace of mind really depends on it. And if you think that you are being selfish for thinking and doing what is best for you as well,remember that this is normal. Your dad knows you are there so it makes him happy too. Even he he can't show it. I am in your dad's position and the last thing I want is to cause more stress to my family and make it any harder for them than it is. BUT... deep down I am grateful that they are there with me at the end. They will get over the lack of sleep and being exhausted from running around etc. They wont easily get over the guilt from not being there in my time of need. I hope this helps you. Ash xo ... View more

Hi Glenys I am having trouble understanding your messages as your English and spelling are not very good. What are you trying to say about operations and breast cancer? I also dont follow about being able to see Multiple Myeloma on my back? Multiple Myeloma is in the bone marrow. It eats away the bones from the inside. I also think you are confusing Myeloma which is what I have and Melanoma which is skin cancer which I dont have and which I think this is what you think I have. Follow? Rather than me explain the difference which is very hard in my condition right now, do a Google search and all will be made clear. What cancer do you have? Hope you are coping with it. Ash ... View more

Hi Glenys I am having trouble understanding your messages as your English and spelling are not very good. What are you trying to say about operations and breast cancer? I also dont follow about being able to see Multiple Myeloma on my back? Multiple Myeloma is in the bone marrow. It eats away the bones from the inside. I also think you are confusing Myeloma which is what I have and Melanoma which is skin cancer which I dont have and which I think this is what you think I have. Follow? Rather than me explain the difference which is very hard in my condition right now, do a Google search and all will be made clear. What cancer do you have? Hope you are coping with it. Ash ... View more

Hi Thanks for your email. Just a quick note to say I will send you a long message later. I am not too well at present but really wanted to touch base with you. You certainly are a wonderful mum! Take care and will talk later. Ash ... View more

Bahareh This site is meant to be for cancer sufferers. Not for people pushing their own agendas and talking about god. You dont know anyone and whether they are athiest, bhuddist. muslim or catholic so to be so pushy with your beliefs especially to people who are dying of cancer, is an insult. If god loves us so much why did he give us cancer? Why does he make us suffer daily. Hope you dont take this the wrong way but if you want to help me then PLEASE do not talk to me about god and his bullshit love. Please dont talk to me at all. Thanks Ash ... View more

Hi Just touching base. Hope you are doing ok and the Velcade is doing its job. As my Onc said yesterday, there are always different treatments so never give up. Different things work for some and not others. In response to your 'writing', while I was recovering from being shot a few years ago, I decided to put some thoughts and feelings down on paper. This turned out to be an autobiography that I have tried to get published. Its called 9 Lives and talks about my past, many policing stories and injuries and my views on politics, religions, women etc. It was actually very easy to write. It finished on a 'high' note but then was diagnosed with MM a few months later. So I guess the book has more to go. I just dont have the energy or ambition to keep writing right now. Maybe this will pass. Maybe not. All I know is that my 9 lives are used up. This time I have to be very careful. Till later Ash ... View more

Hi Mignon Thanks for the message. It came at the perfect time. I have been feeling low so it was nice to hear from someone out of the blue like that who cares and knows how it feels. I guess that's one of the good things about these forums. All we want is a bit of real support and understanding. Not just words and empty advice. So I am feeling OK now. Thanks. Getting a bit sleepy so off to bed soon hopefully for a few good hours rest. I watched Sound of Music tonight for what seems the hundredth time. I love it. I have a fond memory of seeing it in Salzburg in 1986 after taking our own 'tour'. as we were backpacking but had a cheap car, we decided to follow the tour bus so we could see all the Sof M sites. Except we lost the bus in traffic!! Anyway got to see them all eventually followed by watching the movie. It was a great day. It was hot and sunny and so much fun. When we woke the next day it was snowing . Go figure mother nature. More great memories. Its these memories that help me through but at the same time bring me down. I cant do any of these things any longer so I get to feel sorry for myself. I know. At least I have done them. I guess the hard part is remembering good friends from the past who have cut me loose in the present. Oh well. I hope you are doing well. And your family. Enjoy every day and make it count because as you know, many of us cant do that. Thanks for keeping in touch. Ash xoxo ... View more

Hi Mignon Thanks for the message. It came at the perfect time. I have been feeling low so it was nice to hear from someone out of the blue like that who cares and knows how it feels. I guess that's one of the good things about these forums. All we want is a bit of real support and understanding. Not just words and empty advice. So I am feeling OK now. Thanks. Getting a bit sleepy so off to bed soon hopefully for a few good hours rest. I watched Sound of Music tonight for what seems the hundredth time. I love it. I have a fond memory of seeing it in Salzburg in 1986 after taking our own 'tour'. as we were backpacking but had a cheap car, we decided to follow the tour bus so we could see all the Sof M sites. Except we lost the bus in traffic!! Anyway got to see them all eventually followed by watching the movie. It was a great day. It was hot and sunny and so much fun. When we woke the next day it was snowing . Go figure mother nature. More great memories. Its these memories that help me through but at the same time bring me down. I cant do any of these things any longer so I get to feel sorry for myself. I know. At least I have done them. I guess the hard part is remembering good friends from the past who have cut me loose in the present. Oh well. I hope you are doing well. And your family. Enjoy every day and make it count because as you know, many of us cant do that. Thanks for keeping in touch. Ash xoxo ... View more

Hi Dee Just found this thread. I used to have some good ideas but gave up because I was unable to do any of them. Anyway will discuss with you further as you may be well enough to do them. I hope so. I hate to think that anyone else was in the same physical position as me! Talk soon Ash ... View more

Hi Harker Thanks for your reply. Its been hard to find and talk to people with MM as you probably know. There are so many different cancers and MM has its own unique qualities. What is your history? And your prognosis? What Meds are you on? Where are your tumours? I have had Chemo, Radiotherapy and a Bone Marrow Transplant using my own marrow. So far this hasnt helped. I have been on Thalidamide for a year or so as well as Morphine, Methadone, Oxycontin and a host of other pills to help with the many side affects of the cancer and the different pills. Its like going around in circles. Looking forward to speaking further. Regards Ash ... View more