Thanks Kate and Felix. Your advice is greatly appreciated. Ash ... View more

Thanks Mignon. Your words are apppreciated. Ash ... View more

Hi Locky Thanks for you reply. And your advice. I have been seeing a psychiatrist for a couple of years now since I was shot. It has been helping me deal with the post traumatic stress and loss of my career. He has also been helping me deal with having terminal cancer. The bottom line is there is nothing that anyone can say or do that can change anything. Except that it helps to talk to someone. I am a very strong person and have dealt with alot of dramas in my short life. I am too strong to ever take my own life but I pray daily for it to end. You must understand that there is no reprise from the daily pain and loneliness. There is no chance of a cure. My fate is sealed. How does anyone deal with that? Sorry to be so negative. It's just how I feel. So many people give advice after they have beaten the cancer and are in remission. Sure they have been through it all but its different when you have a finite time to live. It's now 430am and time for pain killers. Its actually funny when you think about it! ... View more

Locky I know how you feel. I was diagnosed with bone marrow cancer. Terminal. I have lost all my friends. All my family. Everyone. My father knew for 2 years I was dying and didnt try to make contact. My 2 sisters have not called or spoken to me in 3 years. My friends are the same. My best friend of 35 years turned out to be a fraud. We no longer speak. My sisters have tried to turn my mother against me as well. I am a broken man. At 52, I thought my life would not end up like this. They all make out that I am to blame. I am bedridden and in constant pain but I am to blame. I cant comprehend this. I dont know what I have done. Even my wife of 25 years and my 2 boys 18 and 21 have kept their distance from me. I have been a good father, husband and friend. It all started when I was shot in the line of duty a few years ago and nearly died. Everyone started to push me away. Then the cancer. No one wanted anything to do with me. I have no more tears. Just overwhelming pain and heart break. I need help and advice. This is killing me but I want to die now. I want to be at peace. Dear god someone help me. Please. ashes ... View more

Hi Jenny Sorry for the delay in replying. Have not been well. I will never understand why people - family and friends and strangers - think that MM is contageous. I hate being treated like a leper. Like you, I try to hide the pain and discomfort as much as possible from everyone but as a result they think I am normal. They wont accept any other explanation. I get exhausted going from the bed to the toilet - 15 feet away. I thought about being blunt with people but that doesnt help at all. They just dont understand. At least you can do a litte of your pre cancerous activities. Only you know how much to push yourself. Dont let others stray you. Its your body! As a result of all this I get very lonely and sad. Just something else I have to hide from everyone except those- like you- in the same situation. Its nice to be able to talk to someone as it helps greatly. I hope it help you too. You can contact me. The worse part for me is that my body is destroyed. I was strong fit and healthy and had a very good body if I do say so myself. Not that I'm blowing my own horn but now I am just a withered shadow. This causes deep depression and my wife has started to distance herself from me. I cant blame her really but i feel like a big NOTHING. Thanks for listening and hope to hear from you soon. Best wishes Ash x ... View more

There is no doubt in my mind that a bad immune system is related to cancer - somehow. I was strong, fit and healthy untill I was injured as a cop in 2002. Since then I had suffered several other injuries and had 8 operations. I also had a large number ( I have lost count ) of Ct scans, MRI scans and Xrays, all of which are known to contribute a little bit at a time to cancer. This series of operations and scans etc continued untill I was shot in 2008. There were 4 more operations and many more XRays and CT scans. By this time, apart from the damage done by these scans, a permanent spinal impalnt and 15 operations, my immune system was non existant from constant abuse of my previously healthy body. I was then dignosed with Multiple Myeloma in early 2009. A coincidence? I really dont think so. I honestly believe that the effect on my immunity from constant body trauma coupled with the negative effect of countless xrays and scans have somehow led to my cancer. As someone said on this forum, it only takes one cancerous cell to start the process and whether the body has the abilty at that time to fight it. Sure there are other factors such as hereditory cancer like breast cancer, lung cancer from smoking, skin cancer from sun exposure etc etc etc but there are so many other cancers that dont have these links so how are they explained? Well this is my view and it seems to fit for me. Hopefully it means that if I can build up my immunity along with other treatments such as bone marrow transplant, chemo and radiotherapy, I may be able to fight and stabilise my terminal cancer. At this stage , this seems to be the case as I was meant to be dead 2 years ago! Never give up. What you believe can work for you whether it is true or not and whether or not it is the same for someone else with the same cancer. Anyway this is all any of us with any cancer can do! Stay well and dont let it beat you. Ash ... View more

Annie, It's not that I forget cause every step is filled with pain but I refuse to go from a healthy fit active and strong person to a virtual cripple. If what is left of my bones break along the way at least I can feel a little bit normal for a short time. I am not going without a fight. The doctors say there is no cure for multiple myeloma and my time is soon over but I dont believe them. At least there is no more Chemo or Bone Marrow Transplants so there is always SOME good news!! ... View more

My hips and ribs keep breaking when I fall or even getting in and out of a car. Ladders are no good. Fell off one the other day. Drew aloy of blood but didnt break any bones. Lucky I guess. ... View more

How do you control the pain? How do you put your shoes and sox on each day? Can you bend cause I cant. I have tumours in my hips, ribs, shoulders, breast bone, spine. Any help to deal with these? Thanks Ash ... View more

Do you actually have MM or are you just looking after someone with it? ... View more