Am i going insane or what? Where do you draw the line between blaming something or someone for getting this OR saying to yourself that nothing you did caused this..... that it just happened?
Im finding it difficult to accept that i have cancer when i feel well but just tired. Is this part of the acceptance process of having cancer?
My surgery is scheduled for next week and im just finding it very very difficult to face right now.
I think it's useful to compartmentalise a bit ..
.. you can't change what you feel, and you shouldn't obsess on it or condemn yourself for it .. if you're angry or frightened, you should go right ahead and take whatever time you need to unpack and process that.
But, I'd suggest completely separating your emotional response to the disease from the treatment of the disease. You need to survive, and treatment (however daunting) is the way to do that.
So when it comes to treatment, try not to think about it too much. Learn, take the advice, but pull yourself back and look at things clinically - try and approach your treatment in the most practical way you can.
Everything you feel, whether anger, denial, frustration, fear .. put that in a box marked "deal with at leisure", but when you think about and approach your treatment, put that in a box marked "cool as a cucumber"
Just my advice - personally I think you need your head straight for treatment. You need to listen effectively, ask the right questions, and absorb and digest everything the doctors tell you.