Living alone with Cancer and Depression

[Cindi54]

Hi Richard,

Thank you for thinking of me, I'm not too bad today, managing the sides now, but I don't know what I'd do without the sleeping pills the Oncologist prescribed me, when I first started chemo I didn't realise the steroids they gave me with the chemo would make it so hard to sleep and speedy, but the sleeping pill at night for the first about 4 nights after the chemo help SO MUCH! 

I'm managing now to get out and walk a little.

When I told you about the dog park, I didn't mean I have no pets, I've always loved animals, I have 3 cats, they are Burmese, 1 rescue and 2 brothers. they are quite a lot of work as they are always wanting to play and fussy eaters but that's partly my fault as I spoil them rotten!and they are inside cats, but have lots to play with and climbing posts galore.

So sorry about your fur baby's passing, always so sad. Sometimes a cat can be happy in a small apartment if you can give it enough love and play, it'd be nice for you to have a companion.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, but glad the pain's eased.

When you see your specialist you should maybe write down questions to ask so you don't forget, like about the incontinence and why? will it last ? etc.

After my operation I had a stent in for a while ,bypassing the bladder, but after a while that was removed and I'm ok in that way now, as only part of my bladder was removed,so hopefully you will be too at some stage.

Do you have a bladder cancer nurse you can ring or text any questions to? usually there is one working with the Oncologists , my one answers pretty quickly if I text her. It can really ease your worries.

Yes it's good when the sun comes out, everything seems happier 🙂

I'm off now to feed a neighbor's 2 chooks, we give them left over.... roast chicken!! 😆sounds weird but they love it, they also love being patted, very friendly girls, makes me happy being around nature.

I wish you all the best for your op and hope you recover quickly, often the waiting and scary thoughts are worse than the reality, so hope it all goes well.

Sending hugs,

Cindi x

[Cindi54]

Hi @Richard56 ,

How are you now? I can't stop thinking about you, I really hope you're healing well and not in too much pain.

I found with the pain meds, they cause bad constipation, so maybe you need to take Movical, that helped me.

Also with the pain meds, I slowly cut them down after about 5 days, slowly came off them.

I'd love to hear what's happening with you, I guess you're waiting for results, which can be so hard.

Please keep in touch.

Sending you big hugs,

Cindi xx

[Richard56]

Hi Cindi,

Hope you're ok, thinking about you too.

My surgery went ok, this time he removed part of my prostate as well, I was only in 2 days , a cathoda flush for 36hrs, I couldn't sleep...anyway I'm home now and I'm a lot happier, i only have a slight bit of pain, but a lot more when urinating, it will be probably be 4 weeks of healing. I have an appointment with the surgeon on the 15th Oct for a complete review, so I'm staying positive, have to just wait, then see what the oncologist says about treatment.

So last couple of days I've just been watching TV and reading my book, surgeon said limited movement for 10 days, but I will be looking forward to going back to the gym to walk on the treadmill,  and I'm lucky that my gym is only 100m away from me.

So how are you feeling ? and when is your next chemo ?.  Have you been getting out much at all, last couple of days here the weather has been good, a bit of sunshine always helps me.

Hoping you're ok.

Take care,

Sending nice hugs too xx

Richard 

[Cindi54]

Hi @Richard56 ,

So good to hear from you!

I'm glad it's over and done with for you. Yeah going home is good isn't it, in your own space you feel better.

I completely get where your coming from about wanting to get back to the gym, it's my happy place too, I think next week I will go back for a short period to walk with my reader,try to do some light weight resistant exercises on the maschines,  if I have enough energy, as NO chemo next week 😊

The following week on the Thursday I have more treatment then the following week I have the extra heavy stuff, which will knock me around more.

But some don't get so knocked around. I know a lovely person who was on the heaviest chemo and seemed to sail through! so you never know, and your fitness will definitely help you.

Yesterday I walked a bit in the sun, but on chemo you have to be careful of getting too much sun as it makes you burn more.

I hope you heal quickly ( you will I think ,being so fit)

Can't wait till you get results and they make up a plan for you.

Hugs,

Cindi xx

[Richard56]

Hi Cindi,

Thanks for your message, I look forward to them.

It's nice being home, but its different for me now, right through my life I've always been strong inside right through the ups and downs and kept myself together, since being diagnosed with Bladder cancer, my feelings are different now, I've been a bit depressed on and off, I've felt a bit more lonely too, I guess I'm still coming to terms with it as well.

Once I start to heal properly, I'll be able to get out and do things to keep my mind occupied. Do you go through different feelings too ? From all your messages it sounds like you're really on track and really positive.

Today its raining here and cold, so just watching TV and I'll read my book later.

Next couple of days I'll do some short walks so I don't lose too much fitness. 

I'll be thinking about you and hoping you're getting through this ok.

Have a good day🙂

Take care,

Richard xx

[Cindi54]

Hi @Richard56 ,

I'm feeling pretty good today, think my partner & I will be going bush walking, it's nice sunny weather, I like being around nature and find that in the bush there are lots of birds you never see anymore in backyards.

I DO understand about the feelings, I too do that.

It's hard isn't it.

I think "why me?" I had breast cancer last year though so I came to terms with that, so maybe this cancer is easier for me to accept? but still think it's unfair, as this bladder cancer is nothing to do with my breast cancer last year, which they got in time.

Hope you're healing well, I think you'll find yourself healing quickly because if fit beforehand really helps I found.

When you're up to it, try walking a little, doing anything that makes you happy, also when you see your Oncologist maybe ask him if he knows of any support groups down there you could go to? that may help you a lot, or like I've seen on here a lot, call the cancer council and ask them.

There's nothing much up here like that, not like if you have breast cancer, seems to be a lot of support for them.

Our cancer is probably more rare than BC.

I'm here for you anyway, rant and rave as much as you like, I hear you and understand.

Shame you're not in Sydney, we could've met up and talked it all through together.

But we can talk though this forum anyway😊

Try to do something that makes you happy, I hope it's sunny in Victoria for you.

😘

xx

[Richard56]

Hi Cindi,

Thank you for your support, I really appreciate it. 

Yes my partner and I love bush walks. unfortunately she lives 40km away and works full time nightshift, however she is also fantastic support.

But its different when I can talk to you, we're both going through the same journey, and that helps me come to terms with it a little better hearing your story.

Rained all day here, just an inside day

Hope you had good time bush walking. 

Take care,

xx

[Cindi54]

Hi @Richard56 ,

Yes I did enjoy the walk, but got a bit breathless now and then, we just went slowly and I saw a few lovely tiny birds, one was a wren and I saw some whip birds and others I'm not sure what they were, but made me happy.So many have disappeared from backyards.

I'm glad you have a supportive partner, but shame she can't be closer. At least you could speak to her😊

Yes it's good to be able to talk to those going through the same journey.

I am looking forward to hear what your Onc says about the outcome of your surgery, and what the plan is.

Hope you have a good book to read, I like my kindle as I can go online and search out books then get them on the kindle site, it's fun researching what I'd like.

Take care and I HOPE the weather down there clears up for you soon

xx

[Richard56]

Hi Cindi,

How's your week been and how are you feeling?, I've been walking over the last few days, just a km at a time atm with my partner around the streets at her place, I can't walk too far as I need to empty my bladder frequently, it's so annoying as it comes on so fast and I can't hold on either, hopefully that will settle down, I will also talk to my surgeon on Tuesday about that too. I've been at my partners for a couple of days this week, I came home yesterday. My depression comes and goes in waves, today is not the best of days though, i had an average sleep last night even with sleeping tablets, most nights are the same having to go to the bathroom 6 or so times. My pain has settled down a lot now although its not completely gone yet, 1st surgery it took about 5 weeks for the pain to go so there's a bit to go yet.

Next Tuesday I will see my surgeon for the results of deep biopsies and review for treatment, and appointment with onc 🤞

How are you feeling ? and when is your next chemo , do you know when you will see your onc and surgeon next.

Next few days are going to be sunny, and I'll get to see my partner on Sunday, she is taking me to a play in the city, so that will be fun.

Thinking about you and hope your ok

xx

[Cindi54]

Hi @Richard56 ,

Oh I can imagine how annoying it is for you having to to the loo so much, hopefully that will improve.

Did you go to see your specialist? what happened?

I've been ok the last few days but was sick last Thursday and in hospital a few days to get an infection in my kidney under control, I'm fine today.

This Thursday I see my Oncologist before I have the chemo, I think they are changing things with the chemo and steroid amounts I have, because my kidney was getting affected.

But I'll be right, I trust my Onc completely.

I'm sorry you are depressed, it's not fun, but I hope you try to be a bit positive on your outcome,

hope you had a good weekend with your partner, that should've cheered you up a little?

The depression thing I know isn't good, but the fear of the unknown is probably contributing to it, hope by now you have a few questions answered?

Hope to hear back soon,

Take care,

Cindi xx