So stressed and frustrated

ayoo101
Visitor

So stressed and frustrated

Ooh, this is going to be long. I don’t know if I have cancer yet. I’ve had this going on for about a year now, going to be 2 years next February 2022.

 

It was Feb 14-16 2020. My neck started to have a small dull pain. Kind of like in the middle on the side. But my throat was scratchy. At the time, I was scared I had covid because that’s when covid was started to get around the United States.

 

I went to the doctor & they told me that I was catching a cold. Well by Saturday & that Sunday, I DID have a small cold. My throat was scratchy even more, my nose was runny & I was loosing my voice, I didn’t worry about it on the Monday (February 17, 2020) because it all went away.

 

The next few days, I felt fine but on Thursday February 20, 2020: my throat really started to hurt, like I had strep throat. I was sure I had it, my throat was burning sort of. I went to the doctor that same day & they told me i didn’t have it. But I did have a low grade fever. 99F & this stayed for awhile, the low grade fever I mean. They gave me steroids & I took those and the pain stayed there for the rest of that week.

 

I remember on March 2nd, 2020: the pain went away. I thought it was gone forever & I allowed myself to relax. Then the pain came back the next day & it’s been on & off since then.

 

The pain I would get was in the front of my neck, tender to the touch & on the side on my right side of my neck but I definitely feel the pain further down my neck, kind of at the middle at the very bottom. But sometimes the pain felt like it was inside my throat, all the way down somewhere. I can’t explain it :(. After a few months, I started getting pain on my tongue, all over, it was like I had blisters. It would be also be awful if I tried to talk & my voice was hoarse.

 

i had a ct scan done of my head and neck & that showed absolutely nothing abnormal, which just frustrated me even more. I had that ct scan done May of 2020, last year.

 

Sometimes I would get blisters on my tongue and they would come & go as well. My tongue would tingle & burn. But sometimes I’d feel that at the tip of my tongue, on both sides but I’d feel like the pain resonate at the back of the right side of my tongue.

 

Then I would feel tender & fullness under my chin (where my ent doctor just told me to massage it, since it seemed full & that there was nothing he could do for me about that but that everything looked fine, including the back of my tongue.) my ent doctor even stuck his hand down the back of my throat to feel around the base of my tongue a year ago & he said he didn’t feel anything abnormal either. And also put a small microscope up my nose so he could see down my throat, & all he saw was that my vocal cords seemed red & irritated. He even tested my blood for thyroid diseases which came back normal, but I did test positive for RA(rheumatoid arthritis).

 

the pain would go into my jaw & id also get ear pains, like ear infections, & id also get pains in my face, my cheek area.

but finally, somehow, the pain went away completely with maybe some tongue pain here & there but since the doctors kept telling me there was nothing to worry about, I didn’t pay any attention. Then it just went away for a bit.

 

I then caught covid from my grandpa who was sick with it (I live with my grandparents). I caught this December 2021 & a few days after being exposed to my grandpa (I hadn’t tested positive yet) but my neck pain & everything else started to come back & it’s been there off and on again since December. 

I’m looking at my tongue & the right side recently & see that it’s a bit bigger than my left side of my tongue. I continue to have pain.

 

i am pretty sure it’s the big c but the doctors have done so many tests, including that one ct scan from a year ago which was completely normal but the pain is still there.


I am also loosing weight a lot. I went from 140 to 115. I did go back to dance practice, including stopping drinking sodas & eating a little better but I can’t be losing weight that fast. I bought a pair of pants five days ago, on a Wednesday (July 14th, 2021), & they fit me!! But when I wore them yesterday (Sunday july 18th, 2021), I had to wear a belt because they were a bit too big! How could I have lost weight in that short amount of time??? 

Also my vision has been acting weird!! Getting blurry more often & I see double vision when scrolling on the internet, like the words have a shadow that drag down underneath it when I scroll up or down, if that makes sense. I’m also losing hair; my hair used to be so thick but now it’s thin.

 

I also have health anxiety & just regular social anxiety, depression, etc. I’m not sure if me being so worried has made my body produce these symptoms & making me feel like this. 

im so stressed and frustrated

Reply
0 Kudos
1 REPLY 1
PaulShane
Occasional Contributor

Re: So stressed and frustrated

Hi ayoo101

 

Sorry to hear your body is in a right mix causing you worry and distress. Try and calm yourself, just focus on relaxing and taking some deep breaths. 

Given that your dr check ups since feb 2020 showed nothing, ct scan may 2020 same result,  it’s likely there is nothing to concern yourself with. But it’s been 12mths now maybe another check up or 2nd opinion might reveal something clearer this time round?

 

what is clear is your worry and anxiety... allowing them to run wild unchecked by your own self control and self assurance is certain to manifest disaster if you continue. It’s like the story of ‘the boy who cried wolf’. If you have concerns have your health concerns checked annually for peace of mind and diligence and if you need a second opinion then get one.  Be careful not to become fixated on mistrusting every doctor because they didn’t give you the news you may expect. And I’m not saying you are any less deserving for medical attention than anyone else but there are reasonable limits of how far you can go before you start consuming professional resources that could be spent on someone more deserving that needs it.

 

Every time you find an element of pain for something find a reason for yourself that would quantify you continuing and coping. Your predicting and convincing yourself you have the ‘big C’ without any diagnosis is not a positive approach. 

have you sought help and learned breathing techniques, meditation, yoga and other strategies to lessen your anxiety? It could only have great benefit for you in long run wouldn’t you agree? Perhaps that’s a healthy place to start? 

We wish you the best health possible and hope you find answers and relief xx 

 

 

 

Post new topic
Talk to a health professional
Cancer Council support and information 13 11 20Mon - Fri 9am - 5pm
Cancer Information and Support

Online resources and support

Access information about support services, online resources and a range of other materials.

Caring for someone with cancer?

Find out what resources and support services are available to assist you.