Dear Moxi,    I am incredibly sorry to read your post.   You are facing something so incredibly difficult. And I know whatever decision you make for yourself will be the right one. The strength it takes to make it, isn’t something to over look. You are incredibly strong.   Please take care of yourself. Milo01 ... View more

Hi Cindi54,   I have had a few rough days physically.And mentally and emotionally feel like I am failing because of them. So a big thank you for your repeated support and reassurance. It has actually been invaluable.    I am unfortunately living with my relatives and they are emotionally unavailable. They have no emotional empathy for me and my situation. They actually never ask me how I am actually feeling on a day to day basis and try to do things to support me and get better. Sometimes they never even say good morning and if I  don’t go to them to talk, they won’t come near me all day. I could be incredibly sick and they would never know, cause they don’t check on me even once. If I express I don’t feel good or well, they just tell me that I need to try. They tell me all the things to do, without suggesting that we could try some of them together. They also don’t acknowledge that from the time I wake up, to the time I go to sleep all I do is try and push myself. My family aren’t affectionate and supportive. They don’t want to help if it puts them out. Even for 5 minutes. I am legitimately dependent on my phone to call 000 or get a taxi or Uber in an emergency.Not them. That is why it is a toxic environment. When I was hospitalised during my chemotherapy the first thing my relative said was “Good, I will get a day off.” They weren’t being lighthearted or joking. I also don’t have any friends, as over the years, they have just dwindled out and I haven’t made new ones who have stuck. So I don’t even have someone to call and just talk. This has been and still is a very isolating experience. I rely on alot of apps to get myself what I need, when someone at my house could easily help me. Through the chemo fog I have to try and organise everything before it happens and it incredibly hard and frustrating, as I am sure you would have experienced. Thank you for offering to look after me if we were close by. It is nice to be reminded that there are good people out there.    I know I am not the only person to live in these environments and still have to deal with cancer and treatment. Some people may even have worse than this to deal with. And they may never be able to express themselves out of fear to anyone. I at least know my family will never come to use these forums. It can be very unfair for a lot of people. I hope your cancer experiences twice, weren’t like that.    I will contact the dietitian to ask about my current food situation. I think you made some very good points.    I am also trying to find some positives in everyday that I achieved. To show myself that I am doing things to change my current life. Each of them helps me move forward. Even if I can’t see it that day. Accumulatively, I know they will be helping me recover.   You are right, there are good people out there. People who care. Sometimes it just takes a while to find them. Or in this case, someone to find you🙂.    I hope your weekend is going well. Thank you for allowing me to vent. I am less alone today.   Milo01   P.S. If you ever need to express anything yourself, please feel free to talk about it too.     ... View more

Dear Cindi54,   Thank you for your response and suggestions.   I am on nutritional medical drinks by a dietitian, to not become malnourished. It is just hard to have these drinks that make your stomach full AND then eat real meals and drink water at the same time and daily too.My stomach isn’t big enough to do it all during the one day. I have to force myself to eat most food. And day after day that takes it’s toll on your mental health. I try to eat foods I like or enjoyed before my diagnosis, but I still haven’t tucked into a meal with gusto.   I am on antidepressants, but I live in such a toxic and unhealthy environment. So it is hard to juggle so many things mentally and physically still be so low too. Mentally I am getting to the point where I just want to stop and give up. I am in a house full of capable people,but have had to look after myself on my own throughout my whole chemotherapy and now in my recovery. I am sick of struggling and sick of being treated like I am a nuisance for having being diagnosed and treated for cancer. Like I am ruining their days by asking for help and unwelcome. I have asked for help with many services and got “Sorry, can’t help you.” So it is frustrating to keep hitting that wall.    I try to get outside for even a walk up and down my street when the weather is stable enough. But in my state, heatwave weather has been accuring and I am stuck inside to protect me from overheating and fainting. I would just love my strength to get better so I can go further. It will happen with time and effort.   I thank you very much for your support. I have had a particularly hard day emotionally,so I apologise if this response is a bit negative.   My oncologist looked over my blood tests I did on Monday and said they look like they should for where I am at. So there is at least a positive there. And I did go for a walk today, so positive there too. I have also done a lot of mental tasks, which always take the longest, so another positive too.   I am not in Sydney, but in another state. And would prefer not to say, if that is okay.  But really appreciate your thoughts,kindness and compassion.   Plus can see your resilience and strength in what you have shared with me, about your experiences. It is hopeful to know.   Might have a nap now. Milo01 ... View more

Hello GrumpyOldMan,    I would be inclined to go back to the doctor who referred you and see if they can refer you again. Or if you know where they referred you too (Like the department name or clinic name), call them and enquire about an appointment date. If it is a public hospital, unfortunately things can take longer, depending on if they have waiting lists and processing. And sometimes private hospitals wait for you to contact them or have different procedures about appointments.   But don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself. You aren’t rocking the boat, if you are simply enquiring about a health appointment for yourself. And for something as serious as this, it requires a follow up. I have had to take the initiative more than once myself.    I am really sorry that you are having this experience whilst dealing with your health. Milo01 ... View more

Dear Cindi54,   Thank you for reaching out.   I did finish chemotherapy nearly three weeks ago. But I honestly don’t feel that much better. I know it is still very early, however the mentally of it all can really crush you. My days being Groundhog Day is the hardest.  I also am not interested in food yet. So some days I wake up feeling defeated before I have even started as I have to keep to a schedule and the day gets away from me, because everything takes so long to complete.   However hearing you have gone through your own experience and cheering me on has been a real booster. So thank you for this today.   Milo01 ... View more

Hello Di57,    I read your post and can empathise on how confronting your upcoming surgery is for you.  I had a different surgery for a different cancer, but was still scared shitless too. It is a valid feeling for something so big in a person’s life. I think we google for reassurance, but it is important to know that the internet can be our enemy at times. It often shows the worst case scenario without the statistics that support the claims. Also did every picture explain all of that person’s medical history and how & why the pictures ended up on the internet? Can there be 100% certainty that the pictures are all really what you googled for, or taken from somewhere else and put under a different heading? Google will certainly trigger emotions inside of you when you are already stressed and heightened. But you won’t be alone in doing this. It isn’t silly, just natural human behaviour to seek comfort, reassurance and answers. There are really good surgeons who have done so many surgeries of your type. And there isn’t just one doctor in the operating theatre. There are multiple people involved in an operation. And they all have to follow strict procedures. They will look after you. You are also doing something so proactive for yourself and your future. One step at a time. Unfortunately you have to go through it to get on the other side of it. But you are doing everything that is necessary for yourself. And showing a strength and resilience that is so commendable.  I wish you well during this stressful time. All the best, Milo01 ... View more

Dear Virgochild61,    I am sorry that you have been feeling like this. And glad you have a psychologist to talk too.  I finished chemotherapy today and am already spiraling. I just don’t know what to do with myself. Or how to navigate this process into “normal” life again. I feel like everyone around me is going to think I am good now this is done and I will be by myself again. And can be by myself again. And I can’t just yet.    I do have my own psychologist, so will have to reconnect with them again. And sooner rather then later. So thank you for mentioning yours. And thank you for posting about this topic.   Milo01         ... View more

Hello Tonti71,   I think it is important to remember that we have reviews with our medical teams to reaccess our treatment plans, to determine if they are still current or working for you. And that includes your current health versus future complications caused by adjuvant chemotherapy and then the other options available to you at the time. And realistically treatment plans do change all the time. It is based on an individual’s needs, It is a discussion between the two of you. You and your Oncologist. Your say is equally as important. As long as the decision you have come to is one you have confidence in yourself,that is what matters.   All the best to you too. Milo01 ... View more